I'm Hopeless but I don't Know It

So I ended up going camping for the night. We kind of got lost on the way there, not our fault though, the highway had confusing signs, stupid highway. But we finally got there. The sky was pretty and blue and there were mosquitos in the air.



We pitched our tent, Gina, Nick and I. The tent was up, and rain was comming in. We had to fashion a plan and quick! Out came the tarps, and up went the awesome and super amazing Fort! Leak free (mostly) and really blue, all good in my books. I think setting up the fort was the best part of the "trip". So much fun. I love doing stuff like that. Like, "how are we going to figure this out and not get wet" kind of stuff. Sounds lame, but I just adore it.



Of course there were a few water pooling problems, but good thing we had the tarp, the rain was comming down like crazy. Then we played botchee ball and it was fun because we got to throw things around and yell like banchee's and I like doing that kind of thing, throwing and yelling I mean.

And then the van that me and Gina were sleeping in got a flat tire and I started to worry about how we would get home, so I started drinking and everything was OK. Plus Bobby volunteered to fix it, silly Bobby.

Then there was the cute Yorkie-poo named Reggie and I fell in love. Lyndsey held him so I could take a pic, he was super hyper-active.

Brandy & Bobby fought over a sweater which resulted in hilarity. Later, Bobby, Gina and I went to visit the group site beside us; it was a Bible Camp.

We met a 15 year old named Matt. He wanted to know when we had accepted Jesus Christ into our hearts and lives. He sounded like a robot, and for awhile I thought he might be an alien. I'm sad I didn't take a picture, but I didn't want him to freak out and get all his other bible friends and there would be some kind of a riot or something where they run after you with pitch-forks and lots of fire.


Then Bobby, Gina and I went for a walk and it was like the Blair Witch Project, and I'm scared of the dark because who knows whats there? I sure don't. And I was freaking out and then Bobby ran away and then he jumped out of the bushes and me and Gina were screaming and I was mad and full of rage and was all grrrrrrrr.

So then today after a stupid bad sleep in the van with like maybe 3 hours and hot dogs for breakfast we went to the "beach" which wasn't really a beach.

They went swimming but I didn't want to so I just put my feet in, even though I was concerned about infection in my blister but I didn't care anymore.


And now I'm home, full of craziness and sunburned to a crisp. Why did I forget sunscreen? Why is life so unfair? I don't know. But I hurt, and I'm seriously lacking aloe in the house. As soon as I came in the door my mom started freaking out about how my feet looked like the black abyss and would I ever get around to cleaning the fish tank because my room smells like fish tanks, and I said OK I'll do it right now, but then ended up not doing it. Haha. Well, I cleaned 2 out of 3. That's a lot, since I can't really move because I'm in pain.

Actually the pain doesn't bother me all that much, it's that fucking itchiness. Oh good lord, the itchiness it driving me nuts. I'm crazy burnt, not just a little bit, but a whole lot. And good god, itchy! I had to purchase Noxema, it was $7.00. What the fuck!

Every Step that you Take Could be your Biggest Mistake

After convocation I came to a realization. I'm wasting my life. Leslie and Aileen are going to Europe, Angela has an awesome new job, Gina's the most amazing person I've ever met, Corrine is getting some kind of geological job, and I'm wasting away at my stupid stupid job. I'm wasting away as something I hate, I got grad photos taken, and it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life.

My face is beyond red, as I had just run the length of the stupid mall to find the Sears Portrait Studio, and my chin is like another continent, my hair falls like I'd just been in a tornado or light electrocution, and I look like a fraud in the grad gown.



I ran into Steen at the ceremony. He was my awesome genetics lab partner for a few years, we had all our classes together except art options, I took sociology and he took history. He used to make up card games that he thought he could beat me at, but I'd always win and he'd get pissed off. It was funny, we'd play during our breaks. He asked me out once, I said no. I gave him my number at the ceremony, I don't think he'll call, but I want my chemistry textbook back, so I hope he does. And he's really nice, so that's good too.

I'm supposed to go camping tomorrow, I promised Gina I would. I really don't feel like it. I want to just sit at home and cuddle in my super soft cuddly pyjamas and watch movies and maybe read a book or go for a bath and not wash my hair for a while. She gave me amazing flowers for convocation, featured here:
And although camping sounds like fun, I'm just really not in the mood. She's gonna be mad. Uh oh!

My mom begged my not to get my eyebrows threaded, so I didn't. She claims that if you do it enough when you're young, your eyebrows just won't ever grow back and you'll be one of those crazy ladies on the bus who completely draws in her eyebrows, sometimes using green eyeliner which makes no sense at all, but it was effective enough to scare me away for a while. So my eyebrows are au natural, except for the unibrow which I totally pulled out, cause that is just too much for me to handle.

I look like some kind of heinous bitch lady, and it's kind of true. I haven't slept in 18 hours, so I'm kinda sleepy. But mostly, I'm just bored.

Finally... Something 'Good'

Today has been a grand day. One of those days that is totally lazy and all boring and lying around watching TV in pyjamas.

After days and days of bad things happening: yelling customers, a complete wipeout of all the fish in my tank (thats like 40 fish for sure), Gina's fishtank getting ick too, my brother being a complete jerk, sales clerks telling me I'm fat like I don't already know... finally it has happened.

The one thing that can bring me out of complete and utter depression.

Matt Good's comming to town! Oh yeah baby! July 28th, Klondike days! I'm in a euphoric high.

Mom bought me these flowers for convocation tomorrow. She's so nice.

Convocation is going to be boring. There should be lots of pictures, I think my parents will go picture crazy.

I Play with Vampires on the side of the Road

I went to extra foods tonight. I wanted popcorn. It was 9:12pm. They were closed. This kinda weird-cute guy was waving at me when I was driving out of the parking lot. I stopped and said 'hi'. I kind of recognized him from a million years ago.

He's my mom's friends son. He had walked from his house to extra foods which was closed. I felt bad so I offered him a ride. We went to IGA and it was weird.

I haven't been alone with a male in 3 years, ever since my stupid fucking-pondscum-exboyfriend and I broke up. I almost drove into another car.

Not my fault, I was backing up and this stupid guy came around the parking lot corner at like a million KM. And I was like 'whoa!' and he was like 'ahhhhh'. I told him to calm down, baby, I'm a slick driving chick.

In any case, I didn't give him a ride home. He wanted to walk, said it was the only thing he had planned for this evening. I said Okkkkk crazy man. Don't you know Trailer Park Boys is on? Duh squared sir.

He apparently lives only at night. I've been socializing with a vampire.

This stupid guy at work yelled at me because this ticket he pulled from the machiene said he entered the parking lot at 3:41pm, and he kept telling me it was impossible and I don't know what I'm doing. ANd I told him the clocks are syncronized so it doesn't matter! And he kept yelling that it's impossible. And I kept yelling about the syncronization of the clocks. He had already paid. Asshole. 14 cars in line behind him.

It's Amazing what Velocity can do when Human Beings are in Season

Back in the day, 2001 to be exact, I took a class; it was called Bichemistry 200: An Introduction to Biochemistry.

I was excited for this class, I thought it would be exciting, but it just turned out to be a nightmare.

It was taught by Dr. Spyrocopolous, the bane of my existence. A complete Rico-Swave wanna be, with long wavy hair and a non-existent accent. He was horrible. He could barely speak in front of the class, "Ummm, Ummm, Umm proteins are good?"

I would sit in my front row seat and fantasize about spitting on him.

I failed the class.

I tried to get back in, the dean of Biochem wouldn't let me back in, apparently I was not biochem material. His name was Dr. Wolodko and I wanted to laugh in his face and sue his ass off for speaking to me like that. I failed by 2% asshole.

Last year I found a passion for biochemistry when I took Biochemistry 220: An Intro to Biochem.. finally Biochem was how I had imagined it to be.

My heart swelled with joy, I decided to major in Chemistry when I take my Education AfterDegree (this September). I thought "I will take more biochem, and it will be grand!"

Alas, I have enrolled in Biochemistry 310 and 320. All is good.

Today I checked out my online registration.

Professor for Biochem 310: Dr. Wolodko.

Professor for Biochem 320: Dr. Spyrocopolous.

Things happen for a reason.

They happen to piss me off.

Sometimes I don't like to drink Water

Half of my fishtank is dead.

I accidentally licked my finger, and it had doggie medicine on it; it tastes just like tylenol.

My doggie got sick last night and I stayed up most of the night taking her out into the backyard so she could puke, then I went to work for 12 hours where I yelled like a crazy person at customers and then got mad because a coworker was joking that I have bad customer service.

One lady almost drove through my gate this morning, I yelled at her to stop and I scared my boss. She was like 80 and didn't put her car in park. She was confused why me and the building were moving.

Sometimes I wish all my coworkers would quit and I'd be the only one and then I could have a really big raise.

I'm scared that when I'm a teacher I'll swear at the kids, I've got kind of a pirate mouth.

Speaking of pirates, eye patches are fun.

In response to Gina's birth control post - sometimes side effects are the best part mwaha

Have you ever felt like you just want too much sex? Your night "on the town" is ruined by a particular longing?

Well, here's the answer...



New non-prescription Libi-NO (a clever play on libido!) will solve all of your problems. Basically new non-prescription Libi-NO gets rid of your libido and eliminates all need for sex, in other words: It brings all the side effects of the birth control pill times a million!

In fact, it doesn't have any of the properties of the birth control pill except the side effects! Marvelous.

You might be wondering, how can just a product be affordable to me, a cheap bum? Well, for a limited time, we're offering Libi-NO for just $9.99 plus the cost of shipping.

But wait, there's more! Order now, and we'll throw in that nifty kitchen grasper thing that retails for at least $4.99, you know the one I'm talking about folks. You can pick up pancakes with it!

Brought to you by the people at The Other Drug Company Co.

First Response Blasphemy

OK, I saw this TV commercial tonight for a home pregnancy test. I believe it was First Response, but I'm not 100% sure.

This commercial claims that there is such a thing as being "a little bit pregnant". Ummmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you either pregnant or not? I was under the impression that there is no "little bit pregnant".

In other news, I trained a new girl at work today. I don't like her. She changed my radio station to hip hop music, and I was totally content in listening to rock. She's only a year younger than me, but she seems like she's 5 years younger than me at least. Nothing in common, nothing to chat about. Boring boring long day.

Centipedes and other such Horrors

I found a centipede on my floor yesterday. I almost passed out. I just vacuumed a couple days ago. Where did it come from? I don't know, but I now have a strong desire to clean and disinfect everything in my room.

I also found a spider a few days ago. I think he crawled in through my window, because the screen doesn't close properly. So now my window is closed and my room is really warm.

Star Wars: Attack of that Really Hot Guy

OK, so I saw Star Wars tonight with Gina and John. I liked it. I'm not a huge Star Wars fan, like I can't really recall what happened in the other ones except I remember the Ewoks are cute and that Laya has the bun thing happening and stuff. Just stupid little minor details.

But this one was good. Very good graphics I thought, and that guy who plays Vader is super yummy. So that was a total bonus.

Other than that, my day was filled with boring boring repetitive tasks.

Also, Yoda is really cute. Flying around and with the little green light saber thing, awww.

This stupid customer at work today tried to run E-on's gate. Stupid lady, it crashed on her car. You can't just drive through the gate. So that really set the tone for the rest of the day, customers yelling, customers not understanding their price, customers yelling because they don't want to pay GST.

I got home just in time for Trailer Park Boys. That show kicks serious ass.

I'm Feeling Very Olympic Today

I watched Cool Runnings when I got home from work.. That movie always makes me cry.. The way they carry the bobsled across the finish line, I'm a total gonner by that point.

I went to Big Al's today to purchase a background for the tank.. they were closed, so I was just acting like an idiot. Nothing new there.

My boss had a nervous breakdown at work. Lately it seems like I'm the only sane person working there, theft & fraud, breakdowns, we're just a parking lot & shuttle service for pity's sake. Although most of the time I kind of am ready to start yelling at my customers. Don't ask me for a complimentary journal sir, that's rude. What you have 20 cents? Well I made your change like 5 minutes ago while you were looking for it and now there are 10 people in line behind you so no, I will not give you a loonie back. Here are some pennies instead jerk.

I hate who I am at this job. So angry and just completely full of rage. And finally there was a silver lining, I found the speakers for the computer so I could actually listen to something other than talk radio.. yeah, someone stole them. No more cd's for me. good old talk radio.. I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday, I've got the Ukranian hour to look forward to.

So that's basically what happened to me today.

I want to see Star Wars. I really like Natalie Portman, and that guy who plays that guy is pretty hot. Natalie Portman wore really nice dresses in one of those other Star Wars movies, I dont know which one.

But that reminds me of something hilarious I saw the other day. I was driving by the movie theater wednesday night and all these people, like 40 of them, were dressed up as Star Wars guys and were fighting with light sabers. I almost got in an accident it was hilarious.

Drinking makes life more Fun!

Cocktail


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

EDIT: the stupid picture doesn't work.. that's dumb and I'm mad. It took at least 3 minutes to take this quiz and now the picture doesn't work.

Purgery is Today's Modern Art

I'm stealing a photo and I didn't even know it. I totally didn't mean to. It belongs to Saturine. The first Matt Good pic on the sidebar.

I honnestly don't know what I was thinking, and now feel like a total idiot. I just remember saving it to my computer, and then when I actually figured out how to change my sidebar, which took like a month, I had this photo and I had no idea where it had come from, so I just put it on.

So total credit to Saturine for making the photo. And while I'm at it, I dont' know where the Starbucks photo or the other matt good photo are from.. But people who are not me deserve credit for them.

I got a new fish tank, it's ginormous. I can't wait to put some fishies in it. I got a filter today and I put the rocks in and now its a bitching pimped out fish tank that is wicked awesome. Except I'm scared it's so heavy it might fall through my drawers. Oh well.

Work is stupid and crazy and nuts. I trained a guy names Ian today.. but all day I kept calling him E-on.. like in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. And it was funny and I laughed at him and then he ended up comming into town with me for lunch and it was beyond weird.

But it was OK, training I mean, because it meant that I didn't have to do any work all day, just sit and watch E-on do all the cashing. And it was boring and dumb all rolled into one.

And the Insecurity Sets In

I was just told that I look really weird in these glassess. And now I feel bad. I'm sad because I thought they were pretty cute, but apparently I just look stupid.

Why does this always happen. Why is it that whenever I even remotely feel a little bit OK about myself, someone else always has to interfere with that and make me feel like a fool.

I know I'm not pretty, and I'm not skinny and on and on, but for one second in my life I would like to feel like life is more than who wears a size 2 pant size. And in all honnestly, I know this seems like I'm making excuses for why I don't wear a size 2 pant size.

And I am.

But not anymore.

Make me in the Image of Your Perfection is back online starting tomorrow.

The Church Looks Nicer at Night

My Dark Secret Escapes

Fuzzy Teddy Bears all March in a Line - Like the Army

Sometimes things are crazy. Like maybe someone at work gets arrested and then you get a secret promotion. I can't say for sure that that happened to me, the secret promotion that is, but I could certainly hint at it.

I'm not supposed to talk about the promotion, basically because my boss is getting special hours to create a shift for me so that I can work around my school schedule. While is actually amazingly flattering. Then he said I write good memos.

I don't know why they don't fire me, I keep losing money. Stupid small amounts, just enough to be annoying and really really irritating. (Notice that I can't even think of two words that are remotely different from each other).

Gina's computer is in the shop. It has porn. Everytime you open anything like 50 porn sites open up. The porn virus. And now I'm sad, because my one reader has dissapeared, and she will miss all this exciting information about nothing.

Too bad really.

You Only Hear What You Want, That's Why You Like Listening

It's hard to believe so much insanity can stem from such a kickass bottle.

But last night, the insanity was abundant. It started off harmlessly, jello shots and drinking games. But soon progressed to all out scariness and kind of a horror of myself.

We were sitting around a fire at Gina's having a jolly good time and somehow I drank way more than my share of vodka. Then I was begging her brother not to tell my brother how drunk I was, and her dad was mad at me for swearing so loudly. This was followed by some kind of conversation about how it's good that me and Gina are drinking buddies, although I have no recollection of this and Gina had to tell me.

Then I guess I asked Lyndsey to get me my purse and I decided to go home. But being the logical girl I am, I thought, hey what if the police catch me walking around with an open bottle of vodka, that would probably be bad. So, I dumped the whole bottle onto Gina's lawn and started off for home. I had walked down the street and then I saw a car comming, I got scared and threw the bottle into the field (there's that logic again). I walked a little bit more and then another car came along, I got spooked as it came towards me so I ran into the field and then proceeded to lie down and hide beside a fence.

After laying there for a while I started to think about maybe doggies go to the bathroom there and maybe I shouldn't lie there anymore. So I got up and walked the rest of the way home. I managed to get the garage door unlocked and stumble into my bedroom..

This morning when Gina called my cell, I found my purse neatly stashed in my underwear drawer.

Driving down the street today with Gina, we noticed that my "awesome" throw to get rid of the bottle actually landed 2 feet away from the sidewalk. I got out of the car and brought the bottle home.

I'm never drinking again.

I've Lost My Bananas!

Banana plant that is. It was in my tank yesterday, but today it has disappeared. I don't understand where it went. And its a think little plant, like bananas, looks like a bundle of bananas and now it has dissapeared.

I got a digital camera. It's so cute. Small and silver, with a black stripe around it that looks like a little ribbon, so it looks like a present. So every time I look at it I feel like I'm getting a present. Hehe, but I can't get the software to upload onto my comp, I'm a dumbass. My dad will have to figure it out.



In any case. I'm getting really drunk tomorrow and I can't fucking wait. I haven't gone drinking in a long long time and Gina's having a super kick-ass fire/drinking party at her house.

Something I love From MBlog, Take 2

OK Friends, the Day Has Finally Come. Stompy and Nerd are back!

Somehow it's screwing up the sidebar, so I had to post a small version here, click on it so you can read the text.



Join Stompy and Nerd next time, when they'll travel far far away!

Hey there's Antlers, What are Those About?

Night out with the girls. Driving around followed by vodka and a game of pool. The hilariousness and drinking a bottle of wine in a state of pure hilarity.

Somehow everything is just way funnier when you're drinking wine out of a bottle. It's way better than using a glass. So much fun to be had.

I spent the rest of the day at my stupid job, where my manager proceeded to tell me that scientists now don't believe in evolution because it's just a theory and there's no evidence and that there is lots and lots of evidence for what's written in the bible. And almost I wanted to laugh at her, but then she'd spread rumors of me being a psychotic bitch, which is only partially true, so I just said that it was nice that she likes God. (nothing against religious people) and then I asked what kind of scientists said they don't believe in evolution, and she said they were Christian scientists, and after that I did laugh a little.

It's 10:10 PM, and it's Time For Bed

I feel like that commercial. "It's 9PM, do you know where your kids are?" Except I don't have kids, and it's later than 10, but kind of just the general idea.

Work is dumb. Now they want me to be the boss, but with all kinds of stupid things to do and stuff, and it's only a 25 cent raise. So I was like, bugger off bummbee. That's dumb and stupid and I'll only to it for a super huge raise and also if I can wear my pink shoes all the time with crimpy hair and be the fashionista of the airport. And then I will laugh at people who are not as awesome as me.

And I'm being so dumb and self centered right now that I know I've only have 6 hours of sleep for the past 2 days. That's total friends, not each night. No sleep the first night, which would have been OK if I had been doing something awesome, but I was just laying in bed doing nothing, so not as good as it could have been.

Anyhoo, Off to pass out now.

Sleep Perchance to Dream

OK, so something amazing happened to me today. And it cost more than a pair of shoes. I won this amazing auction on EBAY, for this incredible copy of Loser Anthems B Sides & Rarities from the Matthew Good Band. It cost a mint, but I'm in extreme euphoria, as it is a copy of only 500 released.



It's blue. The other 15,000 copies are red/sepia. So now I have two. Ahhhhhh. I'm so happy today I could die/scream/faint/orgasm.

And my red/sepia collectors copy is a low number, which makes it even more awesome. And plus is has super awesome songs on it, which is also a plus.

Good day today.. very glad I didn't have to work.

2 1/2 hours I will never ever ever ever ever have back

I saw Sin City today. I really only had one reaction while watching the movie. I wanted to poke my eyes out with the straw that was in my Dr. Pepper. It had a good cast, I honnestly don't even know what to say about the plot.

It was narrated in this really really weird way, and I found myself wondering why it was being narrated at all.

I did love the special effects. How eyes were bluer, and dresses were redder.

Nick Stahl was in it. Ahh how I love him.. Carnivale is on tonight. He is so yummy I could scream, but I watch it with my mom so I refrain myself.

I'm an 80's Rock Star

My bangs look rad. I didn't like them yesterday, but now I look like I'm sporting the hippest bangs of the century.

Also, when I flip my head around they go crazy grungy and flippy floppy all over the place and then fall back where they're supposed to be just as the chorus of the song starts to play and I'm jamming around some more.



Sometimes, when I think no one is looking, I start singing out loud at work. And then my boss will show up and be like "are you singing again crazy girl?"

And today the super boss showed up, that's my bosses boss just so we're clear. But she's this super "modern" dressing bitch lady that I hate but I laugh at all her jokes so she'll think that I like her.

And I said, maybe I should change my shoes before she comes. And my boss looked bewildered. Then I explained that I was not wearing black shoes (which is the uniform) and that mine were in fact pink. He was probably so bewildered because I have in fact never work black shoes to work in the 3 years that I've been there, so it's kind of the norm.. But I ended up wearing my pink shoes with sparkles on them, which are super awesome. And all was good.

In A Snap It's All Gone

I got a haircut today. I like it mostly. Not completely. But I'm getting used to it.

This is kind of what it looks like:



So that's about all that happened today.

Me and Gina are starting a Fish Blog

I don't know how that's going to go, but we'll see.

Google Yourself, It's Fun!

OK, So I googled the site. And guess what>!! It came up #1 on the search! Yeah
I felt awesome and happy and extatic and full of bubblyness all at once.

Also I Googled Gina's Site: Sometimes You Just Don't Know
but she didn't come up under the search and I felt sad.

But something that did come up was this

I Wish I Was A Teenage SuperModel

Mainly I wish this because I long for a complete escape from reality.. I spent all day at my Baba's. Bored out of my mind.

I wish I could spend all day in a designer dress, sipping martini's and talking about how fab I am. And then I would dash off to the ladies room to "powder my nose" which I kind of just possibly realized means: snort as much coke as possible so that when I'm sipping my martini I'm extra funny.

In any case, today was super boring, but I did purchase the new Beck CD; Guero. It's up there on the scale of radness. It makes me move my shoulders from side to side feeling like I'm chillin in da most awesome funk-tastic moment of my life. Na na na na na na.

I've given up on the book.. To much lameness I feel. Wasn't going anywhere. I didn't really have any ideas, so boo to that one. I'll have to make millions in some pyramid scheme along the way. That seems almost more logical that the sky being blue. If you know what I'm saying.

Anyway, I've decided to revamp the layout once again.. Everytime I look at it I feel like there's an empty hole in my tummy, so updates are on the way. But currently I'm not in the mood altough I keep adding and the sidebar gets longer and longer and not any prettier, but longer.

Stompy and Nerd will be returning, as I feel my humor drought possibly comming to an end. Hurrah!

Oh, and Happy Easter to all the chillin Ukranians out there! Three Cheers for paska my friends.

Standing in the Shadows of Love, Get Ready for the Heartache's to Come

OK, so it's official. Pop Eye's eye has literally popped. It's gone. There's a hole in his head. And now he spends his days swimming around in a circle because he thinks he's going somewhere, but he isn't. Although, I guess they're never really going anywhere to begin with, so having only one eye doesn't really make a difference.

I am now ready to get in a super bitch fight with my "team leader". She's been taking credit for all the work I've been doing. And I'm now seriously pissed off. She was talking to another employee about "her" color scheme for the schedule board. Ummm excuse me, I totally came up with it. I did it before she even came back to work. I've been nominated for employee of the month because of it's amazing awesomeness. So when did it become her color scheme exactly? And I told her as much. So now I think work will be filled with tension and craziness and yelling and me laughing at her because she doesn't know how to print the sheets off of Microsoft Word and I'm not helping her anymore. So now she's going to look as incompetent as she really is, and is going to get fired. Haha.

In fact, she had originally done the board in a very offensive red and green scheme, with no way of distinguishing shifts that needed to be filled, or a color to show other people filling in shifts off of their rotation. Hello? That's not a scheme, that's stupidity. Ugh. I'm so mad I could burst like Pop Eye.

Down Some Pills... Up Some Hope

I'm so drunk. Drunk on my love for Nutella.. mmm chocolate spread. No wonder I'm fat, seriously, I never even had a chance.

Today I had a mental breakdown because I couldn't for the life of me remember the 3 Laws of Thermodynamics. And then I started freaking out, because maybe I'm losing memory with age, but I'm only 22. Not good.

And now I am seriously delrious because I've gotten like 4 hours of sleep for the past two days, combined! And I went to bed at 9:30 last night, so I could get lots of sleep for work, but I woke up refreshed at 10:30, and I was like, ok, I can sleep for 6.5 more hours, but I'll be sleepier in the morning. Because you're always sleepier if you sleep after you're refreshed than if you just get up. But I slept. And then I was Ms. Queen Bitch at work today. Haha.

Tomorrow will be worse.

Take me to the Shore... I Won't Scream

I just took my garbage outside. I love it outside. It's nice and warm, the perfect temperature really. The cement, not hot but not cold under my toes. And the sound of a million crickets getting funky in the darkness is just endearing. But nothing is better than the smell.

The smell of a beautiful evening, it makes you feel all warm and tingly inside.

It's really clear out, stars all over the place. And sometimes I wonder that if I look hard enough up at the stars maybe I'll see someone staring right back at me.

This is the kind of night I wish I was camping, or even just sleeping in the backyard. That would be nice too.

Stompy and Nerd aren't being posted today, I was to sad to draw them. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe it's stupid of me to write a book. I was looking at publisher sites, and they say to make sure the book is good before you submit it. Well how am I supposed to know if its any good? I wrote it, so probably I'll like it.

FlashDance II

Well I didn't get any bright fish. I got black fish instead. Blach Phantom Tetras to be exact.

And even though they're not bright orange, they look pretty fucking good in the Grow Op. Also, I got two bananna plants.

They make the Grow Op seem a little more exotic I think. Because bananna's always seem more exotic than other things. Well in my opinion they do.

I Take my Clothes off Whenever it Suits Me

So here it is, the day before the EDPY 200 final exam. So what am I doing? Well, currently I am lying in bed, and I have huge plans to go for a bath. Plus, I have to go and purchase some bird food, which I should have done yesterday when I was at the store, but I forgot the list.

So now I have to go back, I'm hoping that while I'm there, some miracle will have occured and I will fall madly in love with one of the fishies and then I will purchase it and put it in my Grow OP (ie. the fish tank).

Then perhaps I will get around to reading the 2 chapters I have left, I somehome managed to get through 3 so far, so I'm ahead of the game so to speak.

Plus its only like 32% or something totally lame. And I don't really care because I'm already totally in summer vacation mode.

Oh and Carnivale is on tonight!! Woo, so there goes 2 hours of study time. Can't not watch Carnivale, I'm totally addicted to that one!

Venus was a Flytrap, the Man you Love Devoured

Walk Around Until You Feel The Walls Are Caving In...

OK, so Pop Eye the fish has now gone to great lengths to ensure that everyone will die with him. He's swimming around trying to rub his huge fucking eye all over the other fish, and currently I am not impressed with his behavior.

Although, you do kind of have to admire him.. he's rubbing it against other fishies, and he can probably even barely see anything. Smart little bugger. And he's cute too. I spent like at least 2 hours today trying to find another cute little fishy. Went to all the fishy stores, and no one could make me happy. So I didn't get a fish, I got a piece of driftwood instead.

I showed my Dad my tank, and he say's it looks "busy" and also that there is a lot of plant life. Kind of like a growing OP> then he mentioned that I should use my Bachelor of Science to invent a way to grow pot underwater, and I would become so rich and then I could buy him hardwood flooring.

I'm actually thinking of taking on this challenge, for nothing other than sheer boredom.


Should've Been A Super Villain says:
I mean honnestly, my blog isn't important at all; just important to me

Hmmmm, says:
I see..

Hmmmm, says:
what is important to you.. ?

Should've Been A Super Villain says:
to feel like i'm contributing something to society. to have my voice heard, even if i'm not saying anything of particular value.

Should've Been A Super Villain says:
and to know, that i have the freedom to do all that, and realize that a lot of other people dont

Craziness is what makes the world go round

Sometimes its fun to pretend you're someone else. Like sometimes at work, I pretend to have an English accent.

"Would you like a journal?" I drawl. People kind of look at my funny and smirk. And then I get all giggly because I'm acting like a total idiot, but at least I won't have any customer complaints because I'm way too amusing and cute.

They always take the free journal.

But if people ask for one, I lie to them and tell them I've run out, even if it's 6:05am. No journal for you! And then I act like I'm the journal nazi, like Seinfeld's soup nazi.

My fish has Pop Eye. Isn't that the most clever name of a disease you've ever heard? So anyway, his one eye has become the size of a marble (slight exaggeration) and he's swimming kind of slanty. Also, he seems to be having some kind of fin tremmors.

Google search says that Pop Eye is not contageous, but I'm scared that when Mr. Fish dies, the other fish will start to eat him and then they'll all get Pop Eye as well. So should I just take him out of the tank? And KILL him?? I'm already crying inside.

Gina said 3 of her fish got Pop Eye and died. I am sad because Mr. Fish is red, and he looks nice in the tank, and he likes to chase his reflection and act like a strung out heroin addict who needs a frappucino.

They always take the journal love. *insert fake English accent here*

How Could Work be even better? Introduce some Racism, capital idea!

I've just found out that one of my coworkers is racist. She seems to have a problem with East-Indian people. I am so dissapointed. I happen to really like all kinds of people, and there are a few East-Indian people at work that I'm particulary fond of. So grrrrrr to her!

First there was stealing, then there was yelling, and now there's racism. I mean seriously, this place is like a mental institution on crack (and I mean no offence to people with mental dissabilities by this, not even a little offence).

But, honnestly, this is all starting to be too much for me. The gossip, the crazy customers, I'm just kind of starting to go nuts. Plus, I really dislike the red golf shirts that are our uniforms, and also seem to be some kind of punishment for things we've done wrong in other areas of our lives.

I want to quit. I want to sleep. I want the stupid fucking safe to balance for one fucking time. And I want to not remember that the safe doesn't balance because I bought some change and have $200 in my pocket when I'm halfway home and then have to drive all the way back to put the money back because that's the right fucking thing to do and then I have no money for gas.

Bed time.

Break Out, Let it Go

Held up so High on such a Breakable Thread

OK, it's official. I totally hate the U of A. Non-transferrable credit. That is their answer to my official freak out of the century. So that's just freaking great. Three more chem classes for me to look super forward to.

And I mean if you think about it, it's not really that bad. I wanted to take two more anyway, so really they're only forcing me to take one more. But still, it vanquishes all dreams of me taking any Political Science. And I was really really really looking forward to that. Oh well, I wasn't put in physical harm today, so I have that going for me. I should be thankful I even get to go to University. I don't have to worry about where I step for fear of landmines and stuff like that (although we do have very bad drivers in Edmonton).

On the hair front... it's actually turned into a very nice pinky/red color, and I'm now totally digging it rather than trying to hunt Gina down and kill her.

You know who is really sexy? David Bowie. Have you seen him recently. Seriously yummy for an older man. George Cloony has nothing on him, and I know the rath from Angela I face from that comment, but it is soo true. I'm excited for his Tommy Hilfiggure (ok i have no idea how to spell that) ads. His wife is exceptionally beautiful, I think they'll be super rad.

I'm Dr. Octopus

You are DR. OCTOPUS! For a fat nerd with an
overactive waldo, you've done pretty well for
yourself; you've become a major supervillain
even though power-wise you're outclassed by the
Toad, and you get a little Aunt May action on
the side! Well done.


Who is your inner Marvel supervillain?
brought to you by Quizilla

Stompy and Nerd go on the Ellen DeGeneres Show

Join Stompy and Nerd next week when I promise something awesome will happen due to the lameness of the adventure this week!

Pillow Clouds of Poison Gas

I was a total uberbitch and now I feel like complete crap. I was talking to this guy, and I was telling him about this lecture we had in EDPY, about teaching sex ed.

And everything was fine until he mentioned that his method of birth control is 'pulling out'. And then I kind of went insane. I mean, how do seemingly rational adults feel like that is an effective form of birth control? Then I told him it wasn't and he got mad at me, because he's older than me so he knows more than I do.

I then proceeded to mention that I have a Bachelor of Science in Biology, and felt that that was a little more relevant to the issue than the concept of knowing more because he's older than me. I also mentioned that he may need to sit in on a grade 5 sex ed class to get his facts straight. Needless to say, we will not be speaking again.

But it got me thinking. If he thinks stuff like this, no wonder the birth rate is so high. No wonder there are so many STDs out there.

Then I spent the next two hours watching Carnivale. Which in my opinion, is one of the best shows on TV right now. It's set in the 1930s, it's about carnie's who travel around the States. And it's the fight between good and evil. Because one of the carnie's Ben (played by Nick Stahl who is supppppppper hot) kind of represents God. He has the power to heal. And this Priest is actually totally evil and kills all kinds of people and is on the hunt for Nick. And the whole show is freaky and weird and is so dark that it's just amazing.

I highly recommend it.

I hate the University of Alberta

OK, it's happened. I really didn't think this could happen again, and I was obviously wrong.

I thought the U of A was done totally fucking with me and my program and essentially the rest of my life. But I was just being a stupid naive girl. Because ahhh once again they are fucking with me royally.

Their program sheets for Education state that to be a chemistry major, you need 18 credits in Chemisty or Biochemistry. That's all it says.

I get a letter in the mail, congrats! You're conditionally accepted! Here's your program sheet with all the crap you need to take when you start your bullshit afterdegree.

But wait, what's that? They say I need 3 Senior level chemistry classes? I'm sorry, where the hell did that come from? I have 15 credits in Chemistry/Biochemistry, don't I only need 3 more credits? According to the program sheet that's all I need. So why are you telling me I need 9 credits at senior level? How did this happen?

I'm sure as hell going to find out, and I'm going to release some hardcore rage at the stupid Undergrad Education Office.

What on Earth?

OK, this is seriously one of the oddest things I have ever seen.

There are really no words to describe it.

It takes a little while to upload onto the comp, but it's totally worth the wait.

Watch this

Why is this guy dressed like its the 80s? And what is going on with his hair?

I feel like the US is just begging us to laugh at them with this thing.

And They're Off

OK, in ultimate procrastination mode for tomorrow's EDIT 202 final, I started the book. Or, novel, now that I'm a writer, it's a novel.

OK, so I started the novel. Mainly, I came up with a title, and the title of my first chapter. This is the best part I think, naming things I mean. Now I just have to fill it in with a bunch of crap and whammoo! Novel complete!

My jaw hurts thinking about this novel. Hmmm, this may be too much pressure for me. I might just scrap the whole project. Although, it is quite amusing to ramble on about what I should do about the stupid novel.

The main problem is the apparent lack of a plot, and the complete lack of ideas for one. Who wants to read a book about nothing? I dunno

These Days the Good Guys Wear Black

My new manager is a published author. He's this super religious guy, and he wrote a murder mystery about this religious guy who's accused of murder, but is innocent or something. And that's his second book. The first is a book of poems.

Suffice it to say, I'm stumped as to how this came about. I'm going to ask him exactly what happened.

I'm going to write a book, and I'm going to get it published, and then everyone can order it off Amazon.

It's gonna be awesome. Super fun summer project. Now all I need is a fab idea.

Daylight Saving Time, Grrrrr

It's an exciting day, now when you click on the rad picture of Stompy in the sidebar, it takes you to his very own blog!

That's right, a blog just for Stompy & Nerd, all the cartoons are now located there, but I think I'll keep posting them here as well.

So, I hate daylight savings time, instead of getting up at 4:45am, I was actually getting up at 3:45am. Why me? It's not fun. I walked around all day being super cranky and bitchy and customers were yelling at me, and I almost told them all to fuck off. I really don't know how I'm going to do this for the next 5 months. Ohhhh, all I can do is complain about this stupid job.

I like my new manager now, he's trying to get us all a raise, so that would be super fun!

Work + School = Grumpiness

I should never have agreed to work a half shift before school. The other girl really needed me to, she had a doctor's appointment, and I'm the only other person trained at the position. So the 6am-11am shift was born. Hurrah!

She didn't show up at 11, I left anyway. I put one of the other girls in my booth and gave her a bunch of change and got in my car and drove away, completely ignoring the screams of protest. 11am I said, goodbye!

What's worse is that I have to go back tomorrow. Ugh. How am I going to do 4 months of this? I don't know. I need a new job. Now I'm exhausted and will most likely fall asleep in class. Although, that happens in every class, so I guess it doesn't really make that much of a difference.


Coco and I had a long talk yesterday, about why it's not cool to sit on the lawn and bark at nothing. I swear, she just likes to hear her own voice. She's the cutest little thing, but she drives me nuts.

I'm at school early, my mom gave me a ride. Saved $2 on bus fair! Wooooo!!
I'm excited about next week's Stompy & Nerd, I think I have a classic in the making. So it'll for sure be good.

I'm proud of myself, I only had 2 cups of coffee this morning. That's way down from my usual 4, when I'm at work that is. It's not my fault though! It's unnatural to get up at 4:45am. The only way that works is if there are large amounts of caffiene involved.

We ran out of water at work. The tap water is unfit for human consumption, we had it tested. We had to get water from Tim Horton's. I don't think they charged us. I don't care if they did, I needed coffee.

It's that Time of the Week Again, Stompy & Nerd Time that is!

Click for a larger image



Join Stompy & Nerd next week for part 2 of this incredible 2 part series when they go on the Ellen DeGeneres show!

Is that Ken Jennings?

OK, so today we had the most boring guest lecture in the history of the world.

But here's the kicker, he looked exactly like Ken Jennings, that awesome Jeopardy guy. But he was not as funny as Ken Jennings, not even a little itty bit. Ken had this nerdy humor that I found really cute and endearing, cause he was winning money for knowing useless stuff.

But not this guest lecture. He was booooooring with a capital B. Angela fell asleep, I kind of thought she was going to fall out of her chair, and then I would start laughing, and the guest lecturer would stop and be like "what is so funny" and I would tell him that he was so boring my friend fell asleep and fell out of her chair. And Angela would be blushing and embarassed, and then Dr. Mike would get mad and his face would turn red, and then more hilarity would ensue.

Angela keeps telling me to write a book. But here's the thing, I just don't really have anything to say. And even though I do tell hilarious stories, and make hilarious cartoons, perhaps a book is not up my alley.

So then I was thinking, if not a book, then what? And then like a brick to the head it dawned on me... a screenplay. What's more hilarious than reading hilarious situations? Watching them! But who would I get to play me? Hmmmmm, seems like too much trouble. OK, so book it is, or maybe a book of short stories. That might be good. And there would be less pressure, cause then I could just write a whole bunch of nonsense and put it in a book, but if I just wrote a single book, then I would need a long plot, and there would need to be character development and junk like that.

There is a special 2 hour Amazing Race tonight, and I'm so excited I might just explode. I had yummy ginger beef salad thing for lunch today. And it was yummy, but I'll never order it again because I feel there should have been more lettuce and I was unsatisfied as to the amount of lettuce and so even though it tasted really yummy, I can spend my $8.95 elsewhere, like on chicken fingers and my new obsession with plum sauce.

And yesterday was awesome, because in Douple Jeopardy they had "That's Genetic" as a category, and I thought: "Those 3 years as a specialized genetics student is really gonna pay off now" except for the most part it didn't. I knew most of them, but the $400 question was way out of my league. And then I knew the $2000 question and finally my mom was proud of me. We almost hugged, but she was way on the other side of the room, and it would have been really dumb.

Got Out of Bed, Dragged a Comb Across my Head, Made my way downstairs and Drank a Cup, Looking up I noticed I was Late

OK, working in the morning sucks. I don't like getting up at 4:45am. How could I not have remembered this when I took this stupid job? Oh right, I was driving when my boss called and offered it to me.

I had my first power confrontation this weekend. This cashier, Zibi, who thinks he's all awesome and in control of the whole company, had a freak out cause I changed what booth he was working in from his regular booth to the one next door.

He got super pissed at me, so I told him that his wife shouldn't have broken the one that Ann was supposed to work in. So I let her choose what booth she wanted, (mainly cause I think Ann is awesome) but I think that makes me look a little less professional, although, I did get this job because I'm super awesome, so I guess all is good and that rewards should always be based on super-awesomeness.

In any case, Zibi yelled at me, then he yelled at Ann, who had a freak out at him and said something along the lines of, grow up you stupid baby, you're not two years old.

I met my new manager, he seems like a total tool. He tried to crush my hand when he shook it, apparently he's done that to everyone. Chill guy, we know you're the boss, you don't have to break our hands to prove it.

Good times at work, it's gonna be a great summer.

In Honor of my 1000th guest, I've written a letter to my dear friend Mr. Bush

Dear President Bush,

I'd first like to point out that I'm not an expert in the field of politics, but then again, I guess neither are you.

This evening I was watching my local news, and I happened to see a piece about you. The reporters stated that you have asked Paul Martin for our oil. And for the life of me, I just can't wrap my head around this.

I suppose the main problem that I have with this, is that you have no concern and don't seem to have any feelings for anything Canadian, except when you have something to gain. The news stated that the meeting spent little time on what Canadians would like to see happen in relations with the United States. Of course I'm aware that the news is usually filled with some propaganda, but from what I've heard in the past, this seems entirely plausable to me.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you promise that the border would be open for our cattle? Didn't you go back on that? As far as I know, our border is not open, our cows are not entering the United States, and you want my oil? (see CBC News)

I'll tell you what, you can have my oil when you come up to Edmonton and have a steak with me. How does that sound?

Sincerely,

Stephanie G
Canada


And now for a little comic relief. This letter was found at: http://lionelonline.com:

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this law applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Mr. Bush, I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
(Author Unknown)

Stompy & Nerd Visit Judge Judy

Next Wednesday: Max "Stompy" Power & Nerd do something awesome

If I had a dollar for every time I dyed my hair purple, I'd have one dollar

OK, so I did something stupid. I streaked my hair purple, I liked it yesterday.

Today is a completely different story. I woke up, and it had changed from the purple it was to some kind of insane purple-pink-red mixture of a color and I am now on a crazy rampage against anyone who had anything to do with this.

That means you GINA, LYNDSEY & KATIE

Soooo much trouble you are in. I went to the salon to see if they could get rid of it, they said I would have to wait until it fades a bit more because currently my head it the hardest color to cover.

My EDPY 200 midterm just finished, and now I'm drinking White Hot Cholocate from Second Cup, and I'm sitting in Knowledge Common and Angela just reminded me that we need to vent some serious rage on the Faculty of Science for having no apparent idea of what is happening with graduation.

I am going to burst with rage.

Announcement of the Century

Due to the huge request (Angela & Gina), I have decided to make

The Adventures of Stompy and Nerd

a weekly event here at The Blog of all Blogs (aka. this site).

Look for Stompy & Nerd visit Judge Judy.... Wednesday...

It's Like you Spent your Whole day Dancing Around in your room to Matthew Good... wait... That's Me

OK, so good day, or was it a bad day? I took all my alcohol bottles in and scored a sweet $18.05. So that was good.

But then I went to Gina's and studied... so that was a mix of good and bad... good cause Gina is fun... bad cause studying is not fun at all.

And then I came home, and then, as the title described, I danced around to Matthew Good for a good 2 hours, instead of studying, and am now 2 chapters behind schedule.

Oh well... totally worth it!

And I have to get up at 4:45AM tomorrow to go to work. Stupid job. I used to do night shift, then they gave me day shift. I can't decide which I liked more. Nights were good because I'm a night person anyway, so staying up wasn't hard at all. Day's isn't cool cause of the whole get up at 4:45am thing, but then I can come home and fall asleep on the couch while I watch Simpson's reruns. So that's good.

I'm too hyper for sleeping... mainly because I just had some orgasmic chocolate. And now I'm thinking about how that chocolate is being metabolized in my body... and yeah. I AM A SCIENCE NERD! OK??

Pencil Sharpener

OK, so I've been listening to CBC Vancouver radio for the past hour waiting for a Matt Good interview. They keep saying it's comming right up, and I'm about to burst into a million pieces.

I've learned a lot of things in this past hour. First, lots of people can do bird calls. They had numerous people phone in with their best ones.
A car has turned over in Coquitlam. And in Vancover, there is a car accident.

I purchased new mascara yesterday. It looks wicked awesome. Its MAC longlash. I recommend it to and for everyone!

Shame on Me...no...Shame on You!

I just woke up with racoon mascara eyes and I'm feeling sleepy. And I have to study for EDPY 200, stupid educational psychology class. It's not fun.

But the midterm is on Tuesday, and as a friend recently pointed out, just wishing the exam will go away doesn't actually mean that it will.

So now I have a zillion chapters to read and I have to work on Sunday and tonight is crazy hang out with friends night (not that I'm complaining about that cause I look forward to it all week).

But I am quite whiny about having to work on Sunday. I have to get up at 5am! That shouldn't even be an hour in the morning. And then I'll drink 8 cups of coffee just so I can see straight, and hopefully everything will go OK.

I wish the mail would get here already. I really enjoy getting the mail. One of life's stupid pleasures.

But I don't really like our mail system. Why doesn't is come to our house? Why just a box for everyone within a 4 block radius. One crazy box at the end of the street, divided into a number of boxes. A box for everyone! I miss the good old days where post-people had to go to your house and put it in your little mailbox, these days those are only used for fliers.

You'd think that the post-person would want to get their mail done early, as today is Friday. Then all the post-peoople could go back to the post office and do tequila shots and have a party and read "return to sender" mail.

Look, what do you want me to say Shippy? That I’m a whore? That I’ve slept with every man in NY and some in Brooklyn? Alright.

I cheated on a physics test once. It was physics 20, I don't know what the question was, but I'm pretty sure my teacher knew. I think she let me get away with it because she felt so sorry for me.

She told my brother, who is 4 years younger than me, when he was in her class that quote "your sister would have killed for your grades." Ummm what?

Who likes physics anyway?

I remember when I wanted to be a physics teacher. I think I was having a brain fart at the time. And ironically, I'll probably end up teaching physics, just because.

Today I was sitting in my stupid cashier booth, and I was thinking, it's only been an hour since I got here, and this stupid lady got mad at me, cause my boss came to sell me change and she wanted to pay because her baby was crying. And I wanted to tell her to close her window cause her baby was giving me a headache. But I didn't. There is way more RAGE at this job than you would normally think possible.

I haven't been at work for a month and everyone quit. I'm the fucking GLUE at that place. Even my boss quit. It's the craziest thing. I get this stupid promotion, but everyone else quits. And people are mad at me cause they weren't considered for the promotion, they just gave it to me. Well sorry, they phoned me while I was driving and asked me if I wanted it, and since I don't like talking and driving at the same time I said OK cause I thought they would get off the phone faster that way. So calm down.

I love how people freak out when you tell them to calm down, cause it's the exact opposite reaction.

Stephanie of ?

OK, so I was watching Troy, and I think the best part of that show is Helen of Troy. She is wicked beautiful, and also has nice dresses and head-rests.

But it got me to thinking, perhaps I should be an "of". (ie. Helen OF Troy)
But what would I be?

I'm open to suggestions.

I Heart Mozilla Firefox

OK dudes, So I totally just downloaded Mozilla Firefox, and it's the frickenest awesome browser in the history of the world.

First of all, it has this awesome little fox as its icon, and that is so unbelievably rad that I don't even know what to say.

Second, I really like it.

Third, its totally free!! that's F with a REE my friends.

Plus! it's not internet explorer, so that right there, is awesome.

Tee Hee. Firefox

And now I have to go to bed, cause I have to go to my stupid job tomorrow.

And While in Vegas, do as the Vegians...

Would you notice if I was gone?
Would anything about you change?
Or could you, would you, just go on?
Life as normal.
Could it be you wouldn't care?
Wouldn't miss me?
Wouldn't realize I'm missing.
No more annoying calls,
No more deranged jokes,
I'll take those with me.
Just your life and mine,
Seperate.

Stephanie and Mr. Happy-Rash go to Vegas

OK, so you're like, the fucking what rash? Dude, its not gross. its this crazy rash that I get in my elbow pit, you know, the spot where your elbow is all bendy, thats the elbow pit.

So anyway, I'm all happy and watching Survivor, and then mom starts yelling "what's on your arm!!!"
and i'm like, chill mom, its just Mr. Happy-Rash, this crazy emphysema that keeps comming back.
and she's like, "emphysema is when you can't breathe, its a lung problem!"
so i'm like: "Yeah, i meant exzema, duh" cause obviously mixing those two up in my house is a mistake punishable by death.

So then she's like... why do you call it happy rash?
And I'm like, the answer is sooo obvious, cause in high school we used to draw a happy face on it and then it became Mr. Happy-Rash.

Seriously. How hard is that to conclude?

So now its late, and I'm so bored I can't sleep. Mainly cause when I put my head down my nose pluggs up, and then there's no breathing, cause I just don't like breathing out of my mouth. I'm scared of snoring. So then I just stay up all night long, and I thought, hmm might as well blog.

This SuperVillain is on Hiatus

That's right friends, the blog is on vacation. I can't breathe, my nose feels like a nuclear attack has gone off inside it.

Posting shall resume when I can see straight again.. so like a couple days eh.

And That's the way it Goes

Her name was Claire, but she made you call her Jessie.

In the mornings she would eat Captain Crunch with skim milk that was always bordering on the edge of turning sour. It matched her apartment, which always had the faint scent of decay in the air. She liked to wear black. Maybe pants, or a skirt, but always topped with a blazer that had an outrageous sparkly pin stuck above her right breast, just below her name tag.

After her Captain Crunch she would drain the milk from her bowl and put on her stilettos and walk 14 blocks to the library where she worked as a librarian. She would spend 12 hours a day listening to little kids ask her about the Dewy Decimal system, and would pretend to be interested in their desire to learn about pioneers. She learned to tune them out with great efficiency; they always asked the same questions anyway.

The highlight of her day always occurred at 11:10am on the button. She would walk up the aisle at the far left side of the library, where someone could find information about the government, and because so, the aisle was always empty. At the end of the aisle was a lone table surrounded by three rickety chairs.

Tom always sat in the chair facing the wall. He had brown hair that was quickly fading grey, and at the time seemed to be about 46, though Claire never asked. He showed up every day at 10:58am, and would sit in that chair and wait for Claire, although he knew her as Jessie. That’s what her name tag said, and he had no reason to question the authority of a name tag.

For 3 weeks at exactly 11:10am Claire would walk down the aisle and ask Tom to put away his pornography. It was library policy that there should be no pornography allowed due to the abundance of children. Everyday at 11:12am, he would ask her to go for lunch with him. She politely declined every time.

On July 14th, Claire went for lunch with Tom at 12:33pm. They ate at a small diner that looked as though health codes hadn’t been followed for 40 years. She had a sandwich, Tom did too. Tom walked her 4 blocks back to the library and asked her for dinner. She accepted and they went for dinner every night for the next two weeks.

Tom began to spend the whole day at the library so he could be near her. He didn’t bring the pornography anymore; he’d spend the whole day staring at a picture of her they had taken one night in a photo booth. The kind where you get 4 small black and white photos for $2 and then think it was a waste of money because you never get your whole head in the shot, or if you’re lucky, you’re just making a completely crazy and stupid expression.

On August 12th, Tom spent the night at Claire’s. She woke up the next morning with mascara caked to her eyes, and eye-shadow smeared across her cheeks. The faint taste of vodka was in her mouth; Tom had stayed up all night watching her. He said he couldn’t sleep, he was too happy.

She told him to leave, and he killed her. There was a struggle. He was mad that she wanted him to go, even though she just wanted to get ready for work. He started yelling about how much he loved her, and she started to laugh in his face. She told him he was just happy not to be looking at pornography anymore, to be getting the real thing. That’s when he grabbed a knife and stabbed her 17 times in the midsection. Before leaving, Tom took her name tag and pinned in to his shirt.

Claire was found a week later by her landlord when she started to smell.

Tom got a job at the diner where they had their first date. He wears her nametag and goes by Jessie. He still continues to eat sandwiches to this day.

I was a Rhythmic Gymnast

When I was a little kid, like say 7 maybe, I used to go to Gina's house and we would do rhythmic gymnastics. She got to take a class, but I could only do it at her house, cause my mom was aware of how completely uncool it was, and luckily she didn't force me to do it.

I wish I had pictures of us doing rhythmic gymnastics, but since I don't, I can imagine that it looks something like this:




Ahh so young and innocent, and that color combination is awesome.. I probably really did wear something like that, so the pic is in fact completely life like.

We were so young, so innocent.. a time before guys completely fucked up our lives. I wish things were still like that.

Stompy & Nerd go to EDIT 202

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The New Wave of Awesomeness

The Adventures of Stompy and Nerd




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I'm the Deer in your Headlights

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