Over and Over ... I Never Learn

In January of 2009 my best friend told me she got engaged. Naturally I was thrilled for her, and horrified for me. Not because I'm single and have no romantic prospects ... but because all I could envision was me standing next to her at the alter, with skin hanging out of my bridesmaid dress.

She scheduled her wedding for August of 2010.. and I thought, "great, this gives me tonnes of time to lose some weight and look good in a dress." So what did I do? I gained 10lbs. The wedding was creeping closer and closer ... and every day I'd stand on the scale and think, "what am I going to do? The dress I ordered fit, but was snug, it's not going to fit my new weight."

With the stress of not fitting into my dress, added to the stress of teaching summer school.. I ate pretty much anything I saw... this, obviously, did not help the problem. Near the end of July I finally really realized "Stephanie... you will not fit in the dress," and really did something about it.

Limited foods, increased water, walking, and by wedding time I was down to the weight I was when I tried on the sample dress. Our dresses came in 4 days before the wedding (talk about last minute) and... moment of truth... the dress fit. It was extremely snug, clearly the sample had been stretched a bit.

I had them let the dress out half an inch (the most it could be let out) and this helped. On the day of her wedding, we got all dolled up and prepared for the most important day of her life. I pasted a smile on my face, sprayed sparkles in my hair... and masked my broken heart. Here we were, the day I had set a goal on. I had given myself a year and a half to lose weight, and I was still the same, down to the ounce.

And while a lot of people came up to me and expressed how great I looked, all I saw was a big girl squeezed into a purple strapless dress. And after all that disappointment, all I can do now is look forward, and finally do what I had intended to do. I have to lose the weight, all 107lbs.

It seems like such a long way to go, and it is. It was so easy to put on. But, it's so ridiculously hard to lose.