Waking Young and Feeling Old

Well it was my birthday on Friday - the big 28.  I always find it to be bittersweet.  It's kind of like the feeling you get at New Year's when you realize you're still fat and didn't lose any weight.  I don't make New Year's resolutions, but I pretty much psych myself up that next year I'll be skinny on my birthday.

The pants on the left are the pants I am currently wearing.  I hate them.  They're a size 22, and I hate everything about them.  The way they fit, the color, the size, the way they look.

The pants on the right are my goal pants.  They fit me 10 years ago.  They're my lucky pants.  A lot of things went downhill after those jeans stopped fitting.   I know I've said it before.  But this year is going to be different.  I'm dedicated to losing this weight.  And on November 19, 2011; I will be posting a picture of me wearing those jeans.  They're not even stretch jeans, they regular, before I was fat, real denim jeans.  With a butterfly patch covering a hole in the knee caused by a rollerblading accident, yup, from exercise.

November Goals

I've been feeling extremely anxious and depressed today.  It all centers around the fact that I'm only working part time. 

I'm a substitute teacher, desperately wanting a full time job, but those are few and far between, and the ones that become available have such a high competition rate that it's pretty much swinging in the dark.  Really the only choice I have if I want to be a teacher is to move to some small town.  So I'm going to start looking into that.  It's not something that I particularly want to do, but, I don't really see another option at the moment regarding teaching.

So my goal for November, is to seriously look into finding an out of town teaching job.  Also, I'm going to start applying for City and Government jobs.  I must be qualified for something, I have a Bachelor of Science and a Bachelor of Education. 

It's frustrating to me, and when I get like this I want to eat a truckload of candy/chocolate/chips - anything I can shove in my mouth really.

I know that if I had stability in my career life the weight thing would be a lot easier.  When I was doing one of my student teaching rounds, I lost 15 lbs without drastically changing my diet or adding exercise.  When I have a routine I just naturally eat 3 meals with a light snack. 

So November goals:

• stick to 1200 calories a day
• drink a minimum of 64 oz of water a day
• attend a career fair
• look into teaching out of town :(