Starting Over

I've been trying to write this post for a few days now, but the words are not really forming properly in my head.

I ran into my old boot camp instructor a few days ago.  I had to leave boot camp for monetary reasons, not the lack of desire to go, but at $200 a month, it was out of my price range while working so infrequently.

When I left, I of course had every intention of continuing to get in shape and lose all the weight I need to.  I envisioned that the next time I saw him, I would be thinner, happier and proud.  This, of course, did not happen. 

When I saw him my whole face turned red.  I was mortified.   Still fat, fatter than I was when I left boot camp, just pure horror running through my veins.  I wanted to run away, hide, more ashamed than I've been in a long long time.

Phase 4 of Allan's Challenge starts in a couple days.  I'm excited for it.  One of the main rules of Allan's Challenges is No BS. 

If I'm completely honest, up until now, I've been, I'd say, 43% full of BS. 

Phase 4 is 100% BS free.  100% commitment.  100% of what I should have been doing since Phase 1.  No more excuses, no more BS, no more whining - just eat less, drink more, move more, and lose it all.

Waking Young and Feeling Old

Well it was my birthday on Friday - the big 28.  I always find it to be bittersweet.  It's kind of like the feeling you get at New Year's when you realize you're still fat and didn't lose any weight.  I don't make New Year's resolutions, but I pretty much psych myself up that next year I'll be skinny on my birthday.

The pants on the left are the pants I am currently wearing.  I hate them.  They're a size 22, and I hate everything about them.  The way they fit, the color, the size, the way they look.

The pants on the right are my goal pants.  They fit me 10 years ago.  They're my lucky pants.  A lot of things went downhill after those jeans stopped fitting.   I know I've said it before.  But this year is going to be different.  I'm dedicated to losing this weight.  And on November 19, 2011; I will be posting a picture of me wearing those jeans.  They're not even stretch jeans, they regular, before I was fat, real denim jeans.  With a butterfly patch covering a hole in the knee caused by a rollerblading accident, yup, from exercise.