Work + School = Grumpiness

March 31, 2005

I should never have agreed to work a half shift before school. The other girl really needed me to, she had a doctor's appointment, and I'm the only other person trained at the position. So the 6am-11am shift was born. Hurrah!

She didn't show up at 11, I left anyway. I put one of the other girls in my booth and gave her a bunch of change and got in my car and drove away, completely ignoring the screams of protest. 11am I said, goodbye!

What's worse is that I have to go back tomorrow. Ugh. How am I going to do 4 months of this? I don't know. I need a new job. Now I'm exhausted and will most likely fall asleep in class. Although, that happens in every class, so I guess it doesn't really make that much of a difference.

Coco and I had a long talk yesterday, about why it's not cool to sit on the lawn and bark at nothing. I swear, she just likes to hear her own voice. She's the cutest little thing, but she drives me nuts.

I'm at school early, my mom gave me a ride. Saved $2 on bus fair! Wooooo!!
I'm excited about next week's Stompy & Nerd, I think I have a classic in the making. So it'll for sure be good.

I'm proud of myself, I only had 2 cups of coffee this morning. That's way down from my usual 4, when I'm at work that is. It's not my fault though! It's unnatural to get up at 4:45am. The only way that works is if there are large amounts of caffiene involved.

We ran out of water at work. The tap water is unfit for human consumption, we had it tested. We had to get water from Tim Horton's. I don't think they charged us. I don't care if they did, I needed coffee.

It's that Time of the Week Again, Stompy & Nerd Time that is!

March 30, 2005

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Join Stompy & Nerd next week for part 2 of this incredible 2 part series when they go on the Ellen DeGeneres show!

Is that Ken Jennings?

March 29, 2005

OK, so today we had the most boring guest lecture in the history of the world.

But here's the kicker, he looked exactly like Ken Jennings, that awesome Jeopardy guy. But he was not as funny as Ken Jennings, not even a little itty bit. Ken had this nerdy humor that I found really cute and endearing, cause he was winning money for knowing useless stuff.

But not this guest lecture. He was booooooring with a capital B. Angela fell asleep, I kind of thought she was going to fall out of her chair, and then I would start laughing, and the guest lecturer would stop and be like "what is so funny" and I would tell him that he was so boring my friend fell asleep and fell out of her chair. And Angela would be blushing and embarassed, and then Dr. Mike would get mad and his face would turn red, and then more hilarity would ensue.

Angela keeps telling me to write a book. But here's the thing, I just don't really have anything to say. And even though I do tell hilarious stories, and make hilarious cartoons, perhaps a book is not up my alley.

So then I was thinking, if not a book, then what? And then like a brick to the head it dawned on me... a screenplay. What's more hilarious than reading hilarious situations? Watching them! But who would I get to play me? Hmmmmm, seems like too much trouble. OK, so book it is, or maybe a book of short stories. That might be good. And there would be less pressure, cause then I could just write a whole bunch of nonsense and put it in a book, but if I just wrote a single book, then I would need a long plot, and there would need to be character development and junk like that.

There is a special 2 hour Amazing Race tonight, and I'm so excited I might just explode. I had yummy ginger beef salad thing for lunch today. And it was yummy, but I'll never order it again because I feel there should have been more lettuce and I was unsatisfied as to the amount of lettuce and so even though it tasted really yummy, I can spend my $8.95 elsewhere, like on chicken fingers and my new obsession with plum sauce.

And yesterday was awesome, because in Douple Jeopardy they had "That's Genetic" as a category, and I thought: "Those 3 years as a specialized genetics student is really gonna pay off now" except for the most part it didn't. I knew most of them, but the $400 question was way out of my league. And then I knew the $2000 question and finally my mom was proud of me. We almost hugged, but she was way on the other side of the room, and it would have been really dumb.

Got Out of Bed, Dragged a Comb Across my Head, Made my way downstairs and Drank a Cup, Looking up I noticed I was Late

OK, working in the morning sucks. I don't like getting up at 4:45am. How could I not have remembered this when I took this stupid job? Oh right, I was driving when my boss called and offered it to me.

I had my first power confrontation this weekend. This cashier, Zibi, who thinks he's all awesome and in control of the whole company, had a freak out cause I changed what booth he was working in from his regular booth to the one next door.

He got super pissed at me, so I told him that his wife shouldn't have broken the one that Ann was supposed to work in. So I let her choose what booth she wanted, (mainly cause I think Ann is awesome) but I think that makes me look a little less professional, although, I did get this job because I'm super awesome, so I guess all is good and that rewards should always be based on super-awesomeness.

In any case, Zibi yelled at me, then he yelled at Ann, who had a freak out at him and said something along the lines of, grow up you stupid baby, you're not two years old.

I met my new manager, he seems like a total tool. He tried to crush my hand when he shook it, apparently he's done that to everyone. Chill guy, we know you're the boss, you don't have to break our hands to prove it.

Good times at work, it's gonna be a great summer.

In Honor of my 1000th guest, I've written a letter to my dear friend Mr. Bush

March 23, 2005

Dear President Bush,

I'd first like to point out that I'm not an expert in the field of politics, but then again, I guess neither are you.

This evening I was watching my local news, and I happened to see a piece about you. The reporters stated that you have asked Paul Martin for our oil. And for the life of me, I just can't wrap my head around this.

I suppose the main problem that I have with this, is that you have no concern and don't seem to have any feelings for anything Canadian, except when you have something to gain. The news stated that the meeting spent little time on what Canadians would like to see happen in relations with the United States. Of course I'm aware that the news is usually filled with some propaganda, but from what I've heard in the past, this seems entirely plausable to me.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you promise that the border would be open for our cattle? Didn't you go back on that? As far as I know, our border is not open, our cows are not entering the United States, and you want my oil? (see CBC News)

I'll tell you what, you can have my oil when you come up to Edmonton and have a steak with me. How does that sound?


Stephanie G

And now for a little comic relief. This letter was found at:

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this law applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Mr. Bush, I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
(Author Unknown)

Stompy & Nerd Visit Judge Judy


Next Wednesday: Max "Stompy" Power & Nerd do something awesome

If I had a dollar for every time I dyed my hair purple, I'd have one dollar

March 22, 2005

OK, so I did something stupid. I streaked my hair purple, I liked it yesterday.

Today is a completely different story. I woke up, and it had changed from the purple it was to some kind of insane purple-pink-red mixture of a color and I am now on a crazy rampage against anyone who had anything to do with this.

That means you GINA, LYNDSEY & KATIE

Soooo much trouble you are in. I went to the salon to see if they could get rid of it, they said I would have to wait until it fades a bit more because currently my head it the hardest color to cover.

My EDPY 200 midterm just finished, and now I'm drinking White Hot Cholocate from Second Cup, and I'm sitting in Knowledge Common and Angela just reminded me that we need to vent some serious rage on the Faculty of Science for having no apparent idea of what is happening with graduation.

I am going to burst with rage.

Announcement of the Century

March 21, 2005

Due to the huge request (Angela & Gina), I have decided to make

The Adventures of Stompy and Nerd

a weekly event here at The Blog of all Blogs (aka. this site).

Look for Stompy & Nerd visit Judge Judy.... Wednesday...

It's Like you Spent your Whole day Dancing Around in your room to Matthew Good... wait... That's Me

March 19, 2005

OK, so good day, or was it a bad day? I took all my alcohol bottles in and scored a sweet $18.05. So that was good.

But then I went to Gina's and studied... so that was a mix of good and bad... good cause Gina is fun... bad cause studying is not fun at all.

And then I came home, and then, as the title described, I danced around to Matthew Good for a good 2 hours, instead of studying, and am now 2 chapters behind schedule.

Oh well... totally worth it!

And I have to get up at 4:45AM tomorrow to go to work. Stupid job. I used to do night shift, then they gave me day shift. I can't decide which I liked more. Nights were good because I'm a night person anyway, so staying up wasn't hard at all. Day's isn't cool cause of the whole get up at 4:45am thing, but then I can come home and fall asleep on the couch while I watch Simpson's reruns. So that's good.

I'm too hyper for sleeping... mainly because I just had some orgasmic chocolate. And now I'm thinking about how that chocolate is being metabolized in my body... and yeah. I AM A SCIENCE NERD! OK??

Pencil Sharpener

March 18, 2005

OK, so I've been listening to CBC Vancouver radio for the past hour waiting for a Matt Good interview. They keep saying it's comming right up, and I'm about to burst into a million pieces.

I've learned a lot of things in this past hour. First, lots of people can do bird calls. They had numerous people phone in with their best ones.
A car has turned over in Coquitlam. And in Vancover, there is a car accident.

I purchased new mascara yesterday. It looks wicked awesome. Its MAC longlash. I recommend it to and for everyone!

Shame on on You!

I just woke up with racoon mascara eyes and I'm feeling sleepy. And I have to study for EDPY 200, stupid educational psychology class. It's not fun.

But the midterm is on Tuesday, and as a friend recently pointed out, just wishing the exam will go away doesn't actually mean that it will.

So now I have a zillion chapters to read and I have to work on Sunday and tonight is crazy hang out with friends night (not that I'm complaining about that cause I look forward to it all week).

But I am quite whiny about having to work on Sunday. I have to get up at 5am! That shouldn't even be an hour in the morning. And then I'll drink 8 cups of coffee just so I can see straight, and hopefully everything will go OK.

I wish the mail would get here already. I really enjoy getting the mail. One of life's stupid pleasures.

But I don't really like our mail system. Why doesn't is come to our house? Why just a box for everyone within a 4 block radius. One crazy box at the end of the street, divided into a number of boxes. A box for everyone! I miss the good old days where post-people had to go to your house and put it in your little mailbox, these days those are only used for fliers.

You'd think that the post-person would want to get their mail done early, as today is Friday. Then all the post-peoople could go back to the post office and do tequila shots and have a party and read "return to sender" mail.

Look, what do you want me to say Shippy? That I’m a whore? That I’ve slept with every man in NY and some in Brooklyn? Alright.

March 13, 2005

I cheated on a physics test once. It was physics 20, I don't know what the question was, but I'm pretty sure my teacher knew. I think she let me get away with it because she felt so sorry for me.

She told my brother, who is 4 years younger than me, when he was in her class that quote "your sister would have killed for your grades." Ummm what?

Who likes physics anyway?

I remember when I wanted to be a physics teacher. I think I was having a brain fart at the time. And ironically, I'll probably end up teaching physics, just because.

Today I was sitting in my stupid cashier booth, and I was thinking, it's only been an hour since I got here, and this stupid lady got mad at me, cause my boss came to sell me change and she wanted to pay because her baby was crying. And I wanted to tell her to close her window cause her baby was giving me a headache. But I didn't. There is way more RAGE at this job than you would normally think possible.

I haven't been at work for a month and everyone quit. I'm the fucking GLUE at that place. Even my boss quit. It's the craziest thing. I get this stupid promotion, but everyone else quits. And people are mad at me cause they weren't considered for the promotion, they just gave it to me. Well sorry, they phoned me while I was driving and asked me if I wanted it, and since I don't like talking and driving at the same time I said OK cause I thought they would get off the phone faster that way. So calm down.

I love how people freak out when you tell them to calm down, cause it's the exact opposite reaction.

Stephanie of ?

March 12, 2005

OK, so I was watching Troy, and I think the best part of that show is Helen of Troy. She is wicked beautiful, and also has nice dresses and head-rests.

But it got me to thinking, perhaps I should be an "of". (ie. Helen OF Troy)
But what would I be?

I'm open to suggestions.

I Heart Mozilla Firefox

OK dudes, So I totally just downloaded Mozilla Firefox, and it's the frickenest awesome browser in the history of the world.

First of all, it has this awesome little fox as its icon, and that is so unbelievably rad that I don't even know what to say.

Second, I really like it.

Third, its totally free!! that's F with a REE my friends.

Plus! it's not internet explorer, so that right there, is awesome.

Tee Hee. Firefox

And now I have to go to bed, cause I have to go to my stupid job tomorrow.

And While in Vegas, do as the Vegians...

March 11, 2005

Would you notice if I was gone?
Would anything about you change?
Or could you, would you, just go on?
Life as normal.
Could it be you wouldn't care?
Wouldn't miss me?
Wouldn't realize I'm missing.
No more annoying calls,
No more deranged jokes,
I'll take those with me.
Just your life and mine,

Stephanie and Mr. Happy-Rash go to Vegas

OK, so you're like, the fucking what rash? Dude, its not gross. its this crazy rash that I get in my elbow pit, you know, the spot where your elbow is all bendy, thats the elbow pit.

So anyway, I'm all happy and watching Survivor, and then mom starts yelling "what's on your arm!!!"
and i'm like, chill mom, its just Mr. Happy-Rash, this crazy emphysema that keeps comming back.
and she's like, "emphysema is when you can't breathe, its a lung problem!"
so i'm like: "Yeah, i meant exzema, duh" cause obviously mixing those two up in my house is a mistake punishable by death.

So then she's like... why do you call it happy rash?
And I'm like, the answer is sooo obvious, cause in high school we used to draw a happy face on it and then it became Mr. Happy-Rash.

Seriously. How hard is that to conclude?

So now its late, and I'm so bored I can't sleep. Mainly cause when I put my head down my nose pluggs up, and then there's no breathing, cause I just don't like breathing out of my mouth. I'm scared of snoring. So then I just stay up all night long, and I thought, hmm might as well blog.

This SuperVillain is on Hiatus

March 9, 2005

That's right friends, the blog is on vacation. I can't breathe, my nose feels like a nuclear attack has gone off inside it.

Posting shall resume when I can see straight again.. so like a couple days eh.

And That's the way it Goes

March 5, 2005

Her name was Claire, but she made you call her Jessie.

In the mornings she would eat Captain Crunch with skim milk that was always bordering on the edge of turning sour. It matched her apartment, which always had the faint scent of decay in the air. She liked to wear black. Maybe pants, or a skirt, but always topped with a blazer that had an outrageous sparkly pin stuck above her right breast, just below her name tag.

After her Captain Crunch she would drain the milk from her bowl and put on her stilettos and walk 14 blocks to the library where she worked as a librarian. She would spend 12 hours a day listening to little kids ask her about the Dewy Decimal system, and would pretend to be interested in their desire to learn about pioneers. She learned to tune them out with great efficiency; they always asked the same questions anyway.

The highlight of her day always occurred at 11:10am on the button. She would walk up the aisle at the far left side of the library, where someone could find information about the government, and because so, the aisle was always empty. At the end of the aisle was a lone table surrounded by three rickety chairs.

Tom always sat in the chair facing the wall. He had brown hair that was quickly fading grey, and at the time seemed to be about 46, though Claire never asked. He showed up every day at 10:58am, and would sit in that chair and wait for Claire, although he knew her as Jessie. That’s what her name tag said, and he had no reason to question the authority of a name tag.

For 3 weeks at exactly 11:10am Claire would walk down the aisle and ask Tom to put away his pornography. It was library policy that there should be no pornography allowed due to the abundance of children. Everyday at 11:12am, he would ask her to go for lunch with him. She politely declined every time.

On July 14th, Claire went for lunch with Tom at 12:33pm. They ate at a small diner that looked as though health codes hadn’t been followed for 40 years. She had a sandwich, Tom did too. Tom walked her 4 blocks back to the library and asked her for dinner. She accepted and they went for dinner every night for the next two weeks.

Tom began to spend the whole day at the library so he could be near her. He didn’t bring the pornography anymore; he’d spend the whole day staring at a picture of her they had taken one night in a photo booth. The kind where you get 4 small black and white photos for $2 and then think it was a waste of money because you never get your whole head in the shot, or if you’re lucky, you’re just making a completely crazy and stupid expression.

On August 12th, Tom spent the night at Claire’s. She woke up the next morning with mascara caked to her eyes, and eye-shadow smeared across her cheeks. The faint taste of vodka was in her mouth; Tom had stayed up all night watching her. He said he couldn’t sleep, he was too happy.

She told him to leave, and he killed her. There was a struggle. He was mad that she wanted him to go, even though she just wanted to get ready for work. He started yelling about how much he loved her, and she started to laugh in his face. She told him he was just happy not to be looking at pornography anymore, to be getting the real thing. That’s when he grabbed a knife and stabbed her 17 times in the midsection. Before leaving, Tom took her name tag and pinned in to his shirt.

Claire was found a week later by her landlord when she started to smell.

Tom got a job at the diner where they had their first date. He wears her nametag and goes by Jessie. He still continues to eat sandwiches to this day.

I was a Rhythmic Gymnast

When I was a little kid, like say 7 maybe, I used to go to Gina's house and we would do rhythmic gymnastics. She got to take a class, but I could only do it at her house, cause my mom was aware of how completely uncool it was, and luckily she didn't force me to do it.

I wish I had pictures of us doing rhythmic gymnastics, but since I don't, I can imagine that it looks something like this:

Ahh so young and innocent, and that color combination is awesome.. I probably really did wear something like that, so the pic is in fact completely life like.

We were so young, so innocent.. a time before guys completely fucked up our lives. I wish things were still like that.

Stompy & Nerd go to EDIT 202

March 2, 2005

Join Stompy & Nerd next time as they pay Judge Judy a visit!

The New Wave of Awesomeness

March 1, 2005

The Adventures of Stompy and Nerd

Join Stompy and Nerd next time as they travel to the future to attend EDIT 202!

I'm the Deer in your Headlights

Just hit me, run me over, please. It'll take away the pain that was March 1st.

I am the biggest fucking retard in the history of the world. When your professors ask you questions about what who's majoring in what, don't put up your hand, under no circumstances are you to put up your hand. Why did I put up my hand?

I thought it was just a rhetorical question, how many of you are science majors? Don't put up your hand. Seems logical cause we're watching a movie about a chemistry teacher. Don't put up your hand. I should put up my hand.

I'm on a panel of reviewers that has to stand in from of a 200 person lecture and give my stupid opinion of the movie. Why the fuck did I put up my hand? I don't know what I said, I think I blacked out while I was talking. Like in Old School when Will Farrell is debating and he has no idea what he said after. It was just like that.

And then we had to stand there for 15 minutes, while he kept lecturing, just in case of who knows what. Never put up your hand.

The guy in the yellow shirt it now a dangerous color of red, a few minutes more and he definately would have exploded. At least some attention would be taken away from me. Why is this crazy physics major still arguing about ratios? I don't know, its all a blur to me.

Move on, keep walking, you're at your EDIT midterm, oh god, what's a webpage again? How do I open Microsoft Word? Why can't I write in binary code, and why did he tell us we didn't need to and then put it on the test.

Why is the TA staring at me? I should never have been polite to him.. please don't close that door right beside me, you're driving me crazy, and most likely I would have fallen asleep during this test except for the fact that you keep pacing in front of me like a crazy person.

Stop telling me to leave the hallway Felix, I'm not talking to anyone, I'm taking a nap. I sleep in hallways, I can sleep anywhere, such is the life of a student.

Although, I will never sleep in CAB again, as Campus Security caught some chick giving a guy a hand job on one of the couches. What the fuck is wrong with people?

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