In Honor of my 1000th guest, I've written a letter to my dear friend Mr. Bush

March 23, 2005

Dear President Bush,

I'd first like to point out that I'm not an expert in the field of politics, but then again, I guess neither are you.

This evening I was watching my local news, and I happened to see a piece about you. The reporters stated that you have asked Paul Martin for our oil. And for the life of me, I just can't wrap my head around this.

I suppose the main problem that I have with this, is that you have no concern and don't seem to have any feelings for anything Canadian, except when you have something to gain. The news stated that the meeting spent little time on what Canadians would like to see happen in relations with the United States. Of course I'm aware that the news is usually filled with some propaganda, but from what I've heard in the past, this seems entirely plausable to me.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you promise that the border would be open for our cattle? Didn't you go back on that? As far as I know, our border is not open, our cows are not entering the United States, and you want my oil? (see CBC News)

I'll tell you what, you can have my oil when you come up to Edmonton and have a steak with me. How does that sound?

Sincerely,

Stephanie G
Canada


And now for a little comic relief. This letter was found at: http://lionelonline.com:

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this law applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Mr. Bush, I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
(Author Unknown)

279 comments:

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UgottaB said...

Right On, Your country, like mine, lives in the shadow of death thanks to George and his good 'ol boys club. Keep up the good work, Rob from Oz

Tim said...

From the perspective of a liberal American, that is absolutely hilarious. Gotta love that good ol' Texan boy. Lives in his own world...

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