Your Opinion is of no Consequence at all

Every once in a while I pop Radiohead into my stereo, which now is a stupid old thing from like the 90's because my dumb ass stereo refuses to read CDs, and I'm amazed.

It's the kind of amazement that can only come from rediscovering music that you loved and have kind of put aside. In any case, I can't stop singing Paranoid Android, OK Computer is blasting from all of the cells in my body.

I am also amazed by black eyeliner. I've just gone through a 2 year phase of hating everything about myself, and am please to report that I still love makeup. I love music at top volume and dancing around with a mascara brush in my hand not trying to poke out my eye because my head keeps bobbing around like crazy.

Anyway, I'm please to announce that I have started "giving a shit about myself" once again and will no longer waste away in endless sweatshirts and jeans and tshirts that make me feel safe. Spalady here I come, except days I'm working of course, 12 hours of work AND Spalady would just be cruel.

Today I'm Angrier than a Pirate who Lost his Booty

My new goal is to take like, 3 to 5 pictures a day and then post them on here so that my long boring posts are at least asthetically pleasing.

Work was super boring and I was really tired because even though I hoped to sleep in until 8am, I was rudely awoken by my mom at 5am because my stupid brother was not yet home from a night on the town.

He had gone out for coffee with Nicole, my arch-nemesis, although I'm not sure she knows that. In any case, they left for Starbucks at like 7:30 and obviously he didn't stay there until 5am. Oh no, this story is much better than that.

Dan and Nicole went downtown to a bar, where her friends were waiting. Since Dan wasn't driving, Nicole was, he proceeded to get exceedingly drunk out of his tree. Fine, he's old enough to do what he wants. Nicole, finding her friends more appealing than my brother proceeds to leave him at the bar by himself with no ride home. And since the bar is like 45minutes away from home (we live a little bit out of the city), this poses a large problem.

Not to worry, super-drunk Dan decides to walk half of the city before he actually manages to get ahold of one of his friends at 4am. He was having cellphone problems where his phone wouldn't get a dialtone type thing. Gotta love technology. So Adam gets up in the middle of the night and picks up Dan, who staggers in the door at 5:15am.


He then proceeds to call Nicole and scream at her about what a bitch she is. She hangs up on him. He dials her other line, and starts yelling at her: "yeah, hang up all your fucking lines you bitch." Finally, fuck, I hate that chick. This isn't even the first time she's done this to him. She's stranded him drunk in the city 3 times already.

I was walking through the mall today and I thought I spotted her. I would have threatened to beat her silly if she ever did that to my brother again. We can't exactly figure out why he didn't phone home, or take a cab, but he was crazy drunk, and Adam is his first person on speed dial, so I assume that's why he got the call instead of us.

Work was boring and stupid and I'm glad I didn't go in all day because that would have been way to much training and I think the 3 hours I got was more than enough. But who knows. Things have a way of falling apart.


EDIT: For a person who hates how they look, I sure do spend a lot of time taking pictures of myself.

Something always goes wrong along the way - Cute kid, what the hell happened?

Fuck, I was a really cute kid. It's unbelievable, and I'm not afraid to say it, how cute I am in this photo. This dog's name is Stosh, I loved him. He liked to swim and would always bring back the stick I threw, no matter what. He was the first dog I ever met, and he belonged to my godfather Roy who owned a cabin up at Sylvan Lake where this photo is taken. I loved that cabin, it had another little cabin in the back where I got to stay when I was a bit older, that's how I remember it anyway. Probably wasn't like that.

For years I believed I had been to Disneyland, there were lots of pictures of me with Mickey and Minnie, turns out, they were just at Southgate Mall for some reason. That shook me up pretty badly, who knows what else I imagine to be true.
In any case, I have to go in to work tomorrow for "training". They're having me fill in as the BOSS this weekend, so I'm getting 4 hours of training for this and then haha goodluck you're on your own. My boss will regret saying I could call his cell anytime I have a problem. By Sunday I'll have committed the number to memory for sure. I don't really want to do it, but they really need someone, so fuck, it's me. We're training a girl to do my shift on thursday. So this should be awesome, two people who have no idea what they're doing running the whole damn show on a frickin long weekend. If there wasn't double time and a half, I would be so far away from that place.

Today at Work I took Pictures of Flowers I Planted and Wasted a lot of Time!

Back to Reality

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I hate my job more than anything else in my life. Which is pretty hard, because I spend most of my time hating something. I'm young, and bitter, and jaded. I spend a lot of time hating what I've become. Something I never thought I'd be. And in retrospect, it's something that could have been avoided. But isn't everything? I like to think that I regret nothing, but I think I'm lying to myself when I say I have no regrets.

I do regret a lot of things. Too many to list, here are a few: stuffing my face full of chocolate yesterday because I was sad for no reason (again), losing my virginity instead of screaming NO which is what was going through my head, not trying hard enough in school, not going to the gym, spending way more money than I should, it will go on forever.
I'm inspired by Post Secret and I think I'll do that on here. Once a week, one secret all about Stephanie. We'll call it: Stephanie's Super Secret Sunday. It'll be fun. People will learn more about me, and I in turn will be scared shitless that people won't accept me because I am in fact as crazy as a bat. But I guess we're all different levels of crazy now and then.

But I'm going to BC in a couple of weeks, so I guess it will be on hold for that week, I guess all posting will be, unless they have an internet connection there, which they probably will. But I'll have to wait an see. I'm going to photoblog the trip for sure. I guess I'll have to buy another battery for my digicam, there's that spending problem again. Oh well, what chick doesn't spend money, all I know is that shoes and purses are a necessity my friends, a necessity.
I took these pictures last night. I like to think I take nice pictures, but I'm not sure it's true. I think maybe they just look like a million other pictures that have already been taken around the world and there is nothing original left for me to do. But I don't think my street is all that popular, so probably no one has ever taken a picture of it at night while letting the doggie go pee. But you never know.
What I like most about them is the smeary lights. I don't know why the camera does that, but I'm really glad it does, because that's what I'm going for. I need to read the camera manual, then we'll see what happens. Hopefully something good.

Stephanie's Super Secret Sunday: Secret #1: I intentionally sabotage my weight loss because I'm scared that if I lose the weight and look cute, then the reason I don't have a boyfriend or a bunch of friends is because people don't like my Personality. It's a lot easier to know guys don't like you cause you're fat, personality hurts.

EDIT: On the off chance someone leaves a comment, please do NOT say that I have a good personality, or that my blog is mildly entertaining, or that I'm remotely funny or such things. This may sound totally Bitchy, but I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just telling you something about myself.

I am the Dolphin of your Dreams

Last night, actually this morning around 9:30am I had a totally fucked up dream. That's what happens when you get woken up and then fall back asleep... totally freaking dreams. So without further ado, I present My Totally Fucked up Dream!

It started with me getting on a plane. I was assigned the seat 5-1A. But this seat was not in the fifth row as the number would lead you to believe. Nope, it was at the front with all kinds of leg room, but with no windows, but that didn't matter because 15 seconds later I was off the plane and boarding a boat. Kind of a small cruise ship type of boat.

So then I was on this boat and we were driving out on the ocean, probably Mexico or maybe somewhere else, but it was beautiful with the bright blue water and sky all around and the wind in your hair kind of thing.
So then we're on the boat, me and a bunch of people I don't know. This is a good time to mention that we're all really skinny and look like celebrities and are having lots of fun.

So then all these dolphins start swimming beside the boat and eveyone is freaking out because there's a bunch of cute dolphins and then people are jumping in to swim with them and I'm kind of scared because the boat is moving but I've always wanted to swim with dolphins so I jump in. And I start swimming down and then I see this weird yellow hat and I think that it's weird that a dolphin is wearing a hat and I grab on, and I feel hands grasp my arms and start pulling me down and I'm running out of air. So I break away and get back on the boat.

Then we're on a school bus driving to this kind of rundown house and in the backyard there's a hot tub and these guys are in it with these girls in slinky silver bikini's that weren't meant to get wet so its like nipple city in there.

We put our bags in the kitchen and I'm not really sure why we're there but there are palm trees all over the place. Then I get the feeling this is about drugs but I'm not sure. And then this guy is threatening me because I didn't pay him to swim with the dolphins.


We get into an argument because in fact he is not a dolphin, so why should I pay to swim with him? And he's still wearing his weird little yellow hat. So then he's pulling a gun on me, and Jeff Goldbloom comes into the kitchen and is all "What the fuck?!" So I take the oppotunity to run out of the kitchen and start yelling like a banchee that we need to leave. Then we're all on the bus again, but I've forgotten my digital camera and I need to go back to the house.

And people are yelling at me, but I really like that camera so I insist we go back. And we do, and I'm running through the house, the kitchen has a red tile floor. Kind of a terra cota mostly, and yellowish peeling wall paper. And Jeff Goldbloom is standing there, like he was in Jurassic Park, explaining Chaos Theory. And I'm like, this is not the time Jeff! I just want my camera, then I take a picture of me and him and get back on the bus.

My mom woke me up right about then.

Why does the dog always get drunker than me?

I left a cooler in a cup on the coffee table tonight. 2 minutes later I came upstairs to find my dog, Coco, finishing it off. She then proceeded to turn around on the couch and puke it up. Then she ran to the kitchen and puked again. I let her in the yard, more puking. She had just eaten supper. I was grossed out.

I saw someone I used to go to highschool with today. I was driving and he was jogging with a large, cute dog. His name is Daniah.. he's one of the biggest asshole's I've ever met in my life. This happened hours ago, and since then I've been having fantasies of hitting him with my car.

I wonder what he would think of me if he saw me now. Would he recognize me? Would he laugh in my face? More than likely I would tell him to fuck off and then other sentances would follow and I'd sound like a crazy sailor with all the swearing and possibly staggering from confronting one of my greatest fears, people who were atrocious to me in the past, and me not knowing how to respond. All my insecurities rushing to the front of me, like a damn ready to burst. And I'd act stupid and like I always did, back away.

The 10 year reunion should be interesting.

My back hurts.

The time has come... New Stompy Cartoon!

Join Stompy next time when he and Nerd visit a Pet Psychic!

(lameness of this cartoon is blamed on Gina, who in my time of need, could not come up with a single shape for glasses. For shame!)

Looking at my Blog makes me SAD because it usually says 0 comments (except for Isabel - she's the only one who comments) - I WISH people would comment

Goin to the Chapel

They're getting married! Just like I said they would in my Batman review!




barf

Here is the complete Unofficial and therefore way better Review by Stephanie!

I saw Batman Begins yesterday. Here is my review. Please keep in mind that I was very sleepy and also that I had a sniffly nose and also that my chair wasn't comfy and that also my popcorn was really good and actually my popcorn was the best part of the movie so I'm glad I went.

It was pretty good. I didn't like his voice though.

Katie Holmes was predictable. All I could think about was if she was going to convert to Scientology like Tom Cruise and then they could have scientific babies and live happily ever after.

THis guy was yummy:

He was by far my favorite part of the show. Mmm yummy.

Oh, except Michael Caine. Who was fabulous as always. But he doesn't count, because I've seen him in other stuff, and this guy was yuummy. And Morgan Freeman was pretty good too. But not as good as in Million Dollar Baby. But I mean, the two movies don't even compare, so that's not really a fare assessment. Hehe, I said ass.

The plot was alright. Not the best plot in the world. But I guess it's kind of hard to be the best plot in the world.

Anyways, this has been an UnOffical Stephanie Review!

Warning! Total Bullshit Ahead

SO the most uncool thing ever happened at work.

Yesterday my stupid boss called me into his office and is like, "Stephanie, you're not in trouble, but there have been a couple complaints about you."

WHAAAAA?!

"I'm not going to write you up, but I just wanted you to know so we can get past this."

Ummmm.

"One complaint is that you're not at your till enough."

OK.

"The other is that you aren't doing enough paper work."

OK boss, I can't do both at the same time, so you pick what you want me to do and I'll fix that situation.

"But I just want to know that you still want that super secret job in the fall. DO you still want that? Cause I really want you to be my assistant."

OK sure.

The minute I got home I started looking for a new job. Applications go out Monday. Fucking hosers.

At least Coco still loves me



I told Donna about the complaint. She's flipping out, mad as hell and is on a rampage. But she's only working here for a few more days until her last day and then I'll somehow be obligated to buy her a cake, even though she didn't get me one for convocation, which I think totally merits some kind of cake. She just kept talking about how her son's girlfriend is graduating from nursing and la de da isn't that great "I hope they get married" barf. Too bad her son has like no education and stupid ass job.

Then Sharon was in today and she's like "Stephanie, would you fill out this damn paper work so I can enter it into the computer already!"

And I'm like: "what's wrong with it?"

She like: "you didn't fill in all the numbers and where's the money count" bitch bitch bitch.

I'm like: "right there!"

"oh, hehe sorry. You do it differently then Annie, your printing is smaller."

uh huh.

I'm a Spoiled little Bitch

When my brother Daniel was younger he started playing soccer. He's fucking good at it the little bugger. Anyway, this other kid, Abel, joined his team. This kids (and when I say kid I mean teenager) legs were like toothpicks and if someone came near him he'd get injured and have to sit out the rest of the game and maybe even other games.

Abel comes from Rwanda. His father was murdered in front of his eyes.

Abel is still in highschool. Today he came to my house so he could do a presentation and try to sell us some knives. We bought a whole bunch and we're sending him to every single other house we can think of.

I'm filled with overwhelming saddness right now. I complain about a lot of things, and I think that things aren't going my way, but my father wasn't killed in front of me. And honnestly, nothing else really seems to matter. Even my new purse.



I mean, yeah, the purse is cute, but who the fuck really cares? I spent my day looking for a new watch, and this highschool kid is working two jobs so that he and his family can live in this country.

I'm a spoiled little girl, and I didn't realize it until now.

Today Feels Like

I'm Hopeless but I don't Know It

So I ended up going camping for the night. We kind of got lost on the way there, not our fault though, the highway had confusing signs, stupid highway. But we finally got there. The sky was pretty and blue and there were mosquitos in the air.



We pitched our tent, Gina, Nick and I. The tent was up, and rain was comming in. We had to fashion a plan and quick! Out came the tarps, and up went the awesome and super amazing Fort! Leak free (mostly) and really blue, all good in my books. I think setting up the fort was the best part of the "trip". So much fun. I love doing stuff like that. Like, "how are we going to figure this out and not get wet" kind of stuff. Sounds lame, but I just adore it.



Of course there were a few water pooling problems, but good thing we had the tarp, the rain was comming down like crazy. Then we played botchee ball and it was fun because we got to throw things around and yell like banchee's and I like doing that kind of thing, throwing and yelling I mean.

And then the van that me and Gina were sleeping in got a flat tire and I started to worry about how we would get home, so I started drinking and everything was OK. Plus Bobby volunteered to fix it, silly Bobby.

Then there was the cute Yorkie-poo named Reggie and I fell in love. Lyndsey held him so I could take a pic, he was super hyper-active.

Brandy & Bobby fought over a sweater which resulted in hilarity. Later, Bobby, Gina and I went to visit the group site beside us; it was a Bible Camp.

We met a 15 year old named Matt. He wanted to know when we had accepted Jesus Christ into our hearts and lives. He sounded like a robot, and for awhile I thought he might be an alien. I'm sad I didn't take a picture, but I didn't want him to freak out and get all his other bible friends and there would be some kind of a riot or something where they run after you with pitch-forks and lots of fire.


Then Bobby, Gina and I went for a walk and it was like the Blair Witch Project, and I'm scared of the dark because who knows whats there? I sure don't. And I was freaking out and then Bobby ran away and then he jumped out of the bushes and me and Gina were screaming and I was mad and full of rage and was all grrrrrrrr.

So then today after a stupid bad sleep in the van with like maybe 3 hours and hot dogs for breakfast we went to the "beach" which wasn't really a beach.

They went swimming but I didn't want to so I just put my feet in, even though I was concerned about infection in my blister but I didn't care anymore.


And now I'm home, full of craziness and sunburned to a crisp. Why did I forget sunscreen? Why is life so unfair? I don't know. But I hurt, and I'm seriously lacking aloe in the house. As soon as I came in the door my mom started freaking out about how my feet looked like the black abyss and would I ever get around to cleaning the fish tank because my room smells like fish tanks, and I said OK I'll do it right now, but then ended up not doing it. Haha. Well, I cleaned 2 out of 3. That's a lot, since I can't really move because I'm in pain.

Actually the pain doesn't bother me all that much, it's that fucking itchiness. Oh good lord, the itchiness it driving me nuts. I'm crazy burnt, not just a little bit, but a whole lot. And good god, itchy! I had to purchase Noxema, it was $7.00. What the fuck!