Back to Reality

June 26, 2005

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I hate my job more than anything else in my life. Which is pretty hard, because I spend most of my time hating something. I'm young, and bitter, and jaded. I spend a lot of time hating what I've become. Something I never thought I'd be. And in retrospect, it's something that could have been avoided. But isn't everything? I like to think that I regret nothing, but I think I'm lying to myself when I say I have no regrets.

I do regret a lot of things. Too many to list, here are a few: stuffing my face full of chocolate yesterday because I was sad for no reason (again), losing my virginity instead of screaming NO which is what was going through my head, not trying hard enough in school, not going to the gym, spending way more money than I should, it will go on forever. Street2
I'm inspired by Post Secret and I think I'll do that on here. Once a week, one secret all about Stephanie. We'll call it: Stephanie's Super Secret Sunday. It'll be fun. People will learn more about me, and I in turn will be scared shitless that people won't accept me because I am in fact as crazy as a bat. But I guess we're all different levels of crazy now and then.

But I'm going to BC in a couple of weeks, so I guess it will be on hold for that week, I guess all posting will be, unless they have an internet connection there, which they probably will. But I'll have to wait an see. I'm going to photoblog the trip for sure. I guess I'll have to buy another battery for my digicam, there's that spending problem again. Oh well, what chick doesn't spend money, all I know is that shoes and purses are a necessity my friends, a necessity.Street1
I took these pictures last night. I like to think I take nice pictures, but I'm not sure it's true. I think maybe they just look like a million other pictures that have already been taken around the world and there is nothing original left for me to do. But I don't think my street is all that popular, so probably no one has ever taken a picture of it at night while letting the doggie go pee. But you never know.
What I like most about them is the smeary lights. I don't know why the camera does that, but I'm really glad it does, because that's what I'm going for. I need to read the camera manual, then we'll see what happens. Hopefully something good.

Stephanie's Super Secret Sunday: Secret #1: I intentionally sabotage my weight loss because I'm scared that if I lose the weight and look cute, then the reason I don't have a boyfriend or a bunch of friends is because people don't like my Personality. It's a lot easier to know guys don't like you cause you're fat, personality hurts.

EDIT: On the off chance someone leaves a comment, please do NOT say that I have a good personality, or that my blog is mildly entertaining, or that I'm remotely funny or such things. This may sound totally Bitchy, but I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just telling you something about myself.


Bryce said...

your emotions are purely normal...
I wish more people were in touch with theirs as well as you are..
Don't ever lose your humanity stephanie.. :)

Captain Rocket said...

Sometimes it's best to say "Fuck you" to everything and do what you want.
Don't waste time sitting on regret.

Go out and rock and roll ;)

Gina said...

I am happy that you are having Stephanies Super Secret Sunday and that I will get to know you better.

This is one friend you will never loose no matter what!

I lost you for a bit once and never again babe

christy said...

i don't think that when people tell you that you're funny or have a good personality they're trying to be sympathetic.. i think they just have a keen perception of the obvious.

i thought about sending something in to post secret. but then i decided not to because someone might recognize my handwriting.

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