Comming to you like a Whore from the Old Book

I'm fucking lonely. All my buddies just left my stupid Oscar party. But it was awesome cause we had yummy chicken wings and veggies and salad, and garlic bread and yummy yummy chocolate pie. And we played Scattegories while we watched, and it was loads of fun. And then we drank pop in martini glasses and pretended we were awesome cool. Because we are.

And now I'm lonely, and I should be studying, but I'm addicted to blogging, because blogging is my drug of choice.

And I'm depressed because I'm not Halle Berry, because she looked so amazing tonight. And I wish I could be that pretty, just for one second in my life. And then the realization comes that it will never happen, and I realize that I'm just feeling sorry for myself, and feel dumb for being so dumb. And then I'm sad because Halle Berry's husband cheated on her, and if guys are dumb enough to cheat on her, then how will I ever be enough?

And I'm not sleepy, just bored out of my fucking mind. And I tried researching Buddism, but I couldn't find anything useful yet. So maybe I should buy a book like "Buddism for Dummies". I'm sure they must have one, cause they have a dummy book for everything. Like cooking, and sex, and probably other things as well.

And now I'm happy again, mainly anyway, because that's how chicks are. Crazy I mean.

Sometimes I wonder who I was in my past lives. Was I super awesome? Like Helen of Troy, that would have been cool. Maybe I had a canopy bed, I hope so. Because I really like canopy beds.

Or Mary Magdelene, that would have been another one. And it ties in with my awesome Whore title. Cause those crazy Catholics made her out to be a common street prostitute, but actually she was Jesus' awesome girlfriend/wife chick, and that seems better than being a prostitute in my opinion. And so here's a secret, she is the whore of the old book, cause the old book is... The Bible! But she probably didn't have a canopy bed back then, but I think that that's OK. I guess that's the downfall of being Jesus' wife, not having a canopy bed.

And now I'm sad because no one reads my stupid blog. So what is the fucking point? I don't fucking know. And now I'm swearing a lot. Probably cause I was a fucking pirate in a past life. Maybe even Captain Hook. Dustin Hoffman was fucking awesome as Captain Hook in that movie Hook, with Robin Williams as Peter Pan.

Yupp, that's probably it. I was DEFINATELY a pirate. And also maybe a queen. You can never be sure about these things. Unless you go to a past life specialist. Then you would know for sure. But I have no money, so I'm just going to decide for myself.

And pirates are awesome cause they get awesome theme songs, and swords are also awesome. So fighting with them must be wicked fun.

In here, everything sounds the same.

Jesus of Suburbia part deux

Lately I've found myself really curious about religion. I don't really have one. I think my dad is Catholic, but my mom is Greek Orthodox. So my baba (grandma) goes to a greek orthodox church, but it's all in Ukranian, so whenever I go, I have no idea what's going on.

But I don't really think that's the religion for me. I need to do some research, but I'm currently leaning towards Buddism.

But what I am sure of, is that mostly, I worship my debit card and my credit card more than anything. I've become a worshipper of consumerism. Shopping is my God. And that is so fucking pathetic.

When you think about all the starving children, kids who don't even have food, or shoes, or clothes, and all I want is a new pair of pants because I don't like the 80 pairs in my closet, then I just start to feel like a complete shit head.

There's this guy, Christian, and he wants to buy a super huge house. I'm not sure why, even he doesn't know. Oh wait, his reason is so he can fit in all the sluts in Toronto. And then he could be super awesome and get laid all the time... I told him paying for sex isn't cool, but I didn't get through. He's such a complete asshole, he refuses to talk to me now that he knows I don't weigh 90lbs. Even though I always told him I was fat, he just never really took it literally. He thinks he's hot shit cause he works at Future Shop and sells computers.

What does someone need a huge house for one person for? You could fit like 80 Ethiopian kids in one of those houses, and it would be better living conditions than they have now.

I always feel weird asking people about their religion, I never mean it to come out judgemental, but I think that it might. But that's totally not how I mean it at all, I'm just curious and would like to know more. But I think some people kinda get offended. But then I think, if someone was asking me about my religion, would I be offended?

No, I'd totally want to talk about it, in a completely non-pressuring way. Not like, convert or die, just like, here's what I believe in, so cool if you like it, cool if you don't. Cause I hate people who force thier religion on you. It's cool that you believe in that, but please respect the fact that I don't.

Anyhoo, hosting an Oscar party tonight. I'm looking forward to Mountain Dew in posh martini glasses.

Jesus of Suburbia

Saw Finding Neverland today. My mom and I ate popcorn, so much popcorn it could have fed a small country. And I kicked over our super huge pop, but there were people sitting a few rows in front of us, and the iced tea river flowed quickly towards them. I feld inclined to let them know, in case they had anything on the floor. So I got up and told them that my iced tea was about to soak them, and they said thank you, and we all had a good laugh, and then they moved away and my mom laughed at me cause I'm stupid and crazy all rolled into one.

Dinner at The Aroma. It's a garlic restaurant downtown, very Italian, very quaint, and excellent food. I'd never eated at an Italian restuarant before, odd since I am Italian. I had garlic pasta. Very delicious chicken. It was Julie's birthday celebration, even though her birthday is in March. I gave her a one pound bag of truffles. It seemd to go over very well, as all the women at the table gasped in anticipation and excitement at the mention of truffles. They do melt on your tongue in the most sensual way.

And now I'm at home, watching Chocolat on Showcase. Two Johnny Depp movies in one day, this is the best day ever! I love this movie because of all the chocolate, and the schenanigans (good lord the spelling). And that little kid has an invisible kangaroo, that's awesome cause most kids don't have that much imagination. And then of course Johnny Depp. Ahhh the god of my adultery. He's like a pirate kinda guy, or some kind of thing like that, and he fixes the door, and he likes hot chocolate. Good choice Johnny. That crazy priest, so uptight, and then, eating all the chocolate in the window & waking up there. I wish I could eat a chocolate display.

And I'm drinking vodka in a martini glass and feeling very posh at the moment. It's taller than most martini glasses, and its wavvy, and its absolutely fabulous. I'm a total sucker for anything in a martini glass.

Dancing is Something you do Alone in your Bedroom at 3am

Secretly, my favorite people have always been the ones that have dared to call me "Stephy". I secretly love it more than anything. I can't really say why.

Well, yes I can. I just feel cute, special, feminine, and just damned lovely when people call me Stephy.

It had recently occured to me that my dog might die soon. She's already 8 years old. I'm not ashamed to say that she's the one who understands me the best. She didn't criticize me when I had popcorn for supper tonight, she actually seemed to encourage the idea, because she loves popcorn just as much as I do.

Have you ever seen those people whose pets look like them? That's not exactly the case here, but we have very similar personalities. I like popcorn, she like popcorn. She barks at kids who walk by the house, and I'm just dying to scream.

If a nut could make a phone call, they would spread insanity through the phone lines. That's from 12 Monkeys, I'm watching it right now, and Brad Pitt is fucking hott as a mad hatter.

My ear just popped, and now I feel that I can hear anything.. I can hear you reading this right now. Does that freak you out? It should, as I am showing signs of clear insanity.

Have you ever thought about the top 5 celebrities you would sleep with if you got the chance? Well, I did tonight as I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and he had trouble comming up with five. But it eventually came out
1- Stephanie McMahon (from wrestling apparently)
2- Shania Twain
3- Torie Wilson (also from wrestling, what is wrong with this guy?)
4- Britney Spears
5- Demi Moore

And I was like Britney Spears? Man, you're dirty. So then he's like, am I on your list? And I'm like, are you a fucking celebrity? NO. So then he's all, well whose on the list. So I told him.
1- Matthew Good
2- Zach Braff
3- Johnny Depp
4- Brad Pitt
5- Ryan Gosling

Easy as pie hunny, my list extends into the hundreds, seriously, I need some loving, I'm just lonely and sad. So I leave you with the question, who would you fuck if you could?

A Girl's Best Friend

I know that they say diamonds are a girls best friend, but I am inclined to disagree. Personally, I believe procrastination is a girls best friend.

For example, I should be studying for my EDIT midterm, but as it is sooo lame, I am not. Or, I should really really clean my room, but I just kinda prefer laying around in a pile of clothes, its just esthetically pleasing to my eyes.

On second thought, I think I would like to have a diamond. So maybe diamonds are a girl's best friend. They are very sparkly. And it's like I always say, "If you don't like sparkly things, stop talking to me."

I often feel as though there are people watching me, but have now come to the conclusion that it's just because there are a bunch of stuffed animals pointed at my bed and they're all looking at me... leave me alone.

1980s Awesomeness

This link is too cool

My name peaks around 1980-1983, and I was born in 1982! Coolness

The Worst English I've Ever Spoken

So I was talking to this guy online, cause I'm lame and bored and don't want to read my stupid EDIT textbook even though I have a midterm next week and have to read like 4 chapters still.

Anyway, he's all: so what do you look like?
And I'm like: blah blah (that's where I told him what I look like)
And he's like: Dat's awesome
And I'm like: You know it is
And He's like: So do you have a pic?
I'm like: Maybe I do

And then he sent me his pic, and he's like 99% muscle like as big as a house grossness muscley.
And I'm like: Dat's a lot of muscle dude, you compensating for something?
And he's like: Thanks
And I'm like: That wasn't a compliment

So then I sent him here cause he wanted a pic, and then he saw it.
And then he's like: What's In Love With a Bad Idea?
And I'm like: My website
And he's like: oh I gotta go

And I'm like, I know he's only leaving cause he saw my pic. Haha for him, cause he doesn't know the plan.
To KNOW the plan, hit Stephy's Psychic Hotline

And then I felt bitchin cause I was talking smack on his ass.

Picking Up Chicks that Push and Push Till it Hurts

Gina & John having awesome funness

Katie's A CandyApple freak

Can you say Sassy?

Somehow, someone always ends up in the bathroom sink

And in the toilet

We have so much fun in the toilet

Butterfly Martini's are wicked fun

See how much fun?

Bloggin up some Photos

we're so damn sexy

because I'm so cute

good old days

My Brain Hurts

Last night is a crazy blur of drunkeness... the pictures are going to be totally awesome...

You're Caught in a Web of Lies

Back in September 2004, I lost all rational brain function. I came home from work one day and my Mom said she saw something on TV that she thought I should join. It was a bootcamp. I thought, 'hey, I wanna get in shape, this will do it' and I joined. Sooo stupid.

I will never forget the two days of bootcamp that I endured before I realized that I had lost my mind and it was taking me way to long to walk to class because I couldn't move my fingers without extreme pain. So I quit. These army guys were the kind that are so scary they'll yell at you because they don't like the color of your shoes. Even though you think you're shoes are wicked.



I remember exactly what that crazy army guy said while we were standing in army posture. "Under no circumstances are you to fraternize with us, do not invite us to your barbeque this weekend, we already have friends, there will be no relationship outside of this class."

Now, seeing as how he was this huge guy I was a little more than inclined to believe him, that is until I went for lunch with my family today. There he is at the restaurant with this girl I knew from high school who had also been in the bootcamp, much to my dismay. And there they were, on a DATE! Oh, ok so when you said no socializing you only were only talking to the people who were out of shape, and not the cute girl in short shorts. My mistake.

Interestingly, I was the only one from the group to resist authority. Warm up was a 50 minute run around the river valley, including hills and stairs. Seeing as how I hadn't run a step in 4 years, I was at a slight disadvantage in running ability. We were on the way back and I was really far behind, mainly because of the nausea and the blurry vision.

Army guy said: "Come on, just run up the hill, do it now!"
And then I said: "You run up the hill, I'm going to puke behind that tree."

Today I Told my Tummy to Fuck Off

I've had enough. This is it, I can't do this anymore, it's not worth it at all. It's not worth the looks, and the giggles, and the self-loathing.



So I finally did it. I told my tummy to fuck off.. I know that probably sounds absurd. But it honnestly doesn't even feel like my tummy is a part of me, it's just kinda there and every once-in-a-while I notice it. I really only mean that I didn't actually notice my tummy develop. One day I was skinny, and the next day this insane tummy was there, and I don't know where it came from (OK I have a sneaking suspicion, but nothing concrete).

So naturally, if it doesn't feel like it's a part of me, I treat it as though it is not. Hence the speaking to the tummy, and the anger geared towards it. No more excuses, no more bullshit... it is time to bid my tummy farewell.

Goodbye old friend! We've had some good times, some bad times, and some really awesome chocolate.

And to apologise for all the swearing, here's a cute picture of my doggie Coco.

Do You Mind if I Call you Right Back?

Ok seriously, 3 telemarketers called my house tonight. I don't need that new credit card feature. I'm totally cool with the long distance plan I have now, I don't even talk to anyone outside the city so why do I need a long distance plan? Just in case you say? Well I say fuck off! They just don't get the hint, if I'm trying to yell at you in languages I don't speak, I don't want to talk to you. Leave me the fuck alone.

It's Very Clear to me why North America is Fat

A staggering 69% of the United States is considered obese. I'm not sure what the stat for Canada is, but I'm sure that it must be quite similar.

On my way to the University today it became abundantly clear why North America had become so obese. It's because if we walk anywhere we could DIE. Traffic is the scariest thing I've seen in a while. I was on the bus heading for school and traffic got backed up. So what does the bus driver do? Well, it's not wait in line like a normal driver, no he just drives up onto the sidewalk and speeds up. I can see pedestrians are starting to get worried. And I cannot blame them one bit, we almost hit one.

I am officially scared to walk anywhere.

There's a new Survivor starting tonight. I'm super excited. I love that show, crazy people dynamics, that's the main draw in, or possibly it's the scenery. Who knows! I'm just way to addicted to TV right now. ER is on, it's really sad. But Cynthia Nixon is amazing, so that's always good.

Sometimes All You Can Do Is Growl....

Today I went out with my Super-Buddy Gina! I went over to her house 'cause she got a bunch of new fish, that were super pretty and a whole bunch of plants, which were also awesome. She got soaking wet while putting the plants in and I laughed at her. Then we went for dinner at Moxie's.

I love Moxie's. It's my favorite restaurant. And tonight they had a drink special on one of my favorite drinks, the Bellini. Yummy, champagne, peach schnapps, sangria.. so much yumminess. Mmmm, I had one, but Gina, oh silly Gina, she had two Moxie sized bellini's...

Ten minutes later..




That's right friends, she is puking in Moxie's parking lot while I am laughing hysterically in the car at her and taking her picture. So many good times to be had when I'm with Gina. It's really quite amazing.. anything can happen..

One time we went bowling, and when we were trying to leave, the driver door of her van would not close. It thought it was closed, but it was not. So I had to take off my sweater and devise an elaborate scheme for stringing the sweater through the back window and through the driver window just to keep it moderately closed.

Of course it opened during any kind of turn.. it was -35 degrees out. Not cool.


I found this awesomely funny website, it's about a pharmacist. But it's a humorous pharmacist.
I didn't ask him if I could link to him, but I don't care... He'll get more hits!

Funny Pharmacist

Have fun kiddies!

Every Site Needs a Logo!

Shoot Me With Your Raygun, Full Of Holes So The Daylight Can Get To What's Dark

I went to the dentist today.. and as if that wasn't bad enough, the appointment was at 8:00am. Who in their right mind goes to the dentist at 8am? I had 3 fillings, I hate that drill. I hate everything about it, the noise, the smell, the vibrations travelling across my brain.

My teeth hurt right now, I want to cry. Fuck.. Then I went to school & met up with Angela to work on this completely lame lab. It was basically 2 hours of copy and pasteing lame pioneer information because some crazy librarian thinks that this is a good idea. And let me tell you friends, it is not. By the end I was so amazingly bitch that I was yelling out swears about stupid pioneers.

Then, worst of all, EDIT 202...the ongoing amazingly horrible process of watching some crazy computer guy teach us why computers are good. I dont need to hear about his 1980's computer to make my life complete. In fact, I would be way better off without that discussion...

He showed us this crazy research he is doing, with graphs and everything, then this one stupid guy asks what conclustions can be made. Ummmm do you have a brain? Did you look at the fucking graphs? The conclusions are right there moron.

Anglea thinks I should write a book about all my crazy adventures. I think it would have to be rated unsuitable for minors, as I feel my cursing may be a problem for most parents.

When You're Finished Struggling, Are You Free Tonight?

So here we are, the most dreaded day of singletons around the world, Valentine's Day. We sit around glorifying the holiday.. ahh if only I had a man, it would be so great!

But you know what?! That's total BULLSHIT! I had a man on Valentine's Day, twice to be exact, and it was worse than when I'm totally alone. And here's why:

Bachelor Number 1 (we'll call him Chris): Showed up at my house with a wonderful mug with a candy tree popping out of it, and there was a teddy bear and it was so wonderful my heart was bursting with teenage joy, and then he said, "oh I gotta go cause me and my parents are going up to the lake right now, just thought I'd drop this off on the way." Ummmm, OK?

Bachelor Number 2 (we'll call him stupid fucking asshole): Ugly flowers that he had left in a drawer all night with no water, followed by an index card that he wrote Happy Valentine's Day on. Ummmm, is it me, or is the fact that we have been dating for over a year a reason to expect maybe at least a nice card? I think the "Hey I let you sleep over, so now I want to study so go home," really topped it off. Definately the Best Valentine's Day EVER!

So hence, I prefer the road least preferred by most singletons, the one alone. Or possibly it's the fact that I just had a piece of totally orgasmic chocolate mousse cake. Mmmmm mousse cake is orgasmic.

3 posts in one day.... I'm so lame

The Pink Pills Are For Your Sanity

I just did my second study buddy session today, and I'm really appalled by the level of education that these children have. I'm completely aware of the fact that these kids are the ones that need help, but it's hard to explain concepts if they have no idea how to do the basics.

For example, I was teaching grade 7 math, specifically ratios. We were working on lowest common ratios, so you need to be able to find factors. When I asked them what the factors of 9 are, they just looked at me blankly, with no idea of what the answers could be. So instead of teaching them lowest common ratio, I tought them how to find factors. Instead of teaching them proportions, like I was supposed to, I tought them cross-multiplication. We got a fourth of the way through the assignment that we were supposed to get through.

I just don't understand how children like this are being put through to the next grade. They clearly have no idea how to do things, why aren't they getting more help? Why are they allowed to slip through the cracks?

Half of these kids have been diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and are given handfulls of pills to keep them calm, and all they really need to do is go run around the playground for half an hour and everything would be cool.

The substitute teacher was screaming at the kids she was supposed to be helping. I almost wanted to invite them to join my group, but the teacher probably would have thought that it was extremely inappropriate and given me some kind of negative comment. I mean, seriously, the kid was just trying to explain how he got his answer, he was not "out of line" at all. Stupid Bitch.

I've Always Wanted To Be A Crash Test Dummy

If you're like me, and I'm just going to assume that most of you are, then you have always wondered about the exciting life of the crash test dummy. The prestige, the excitement, all the good times.

Well, wonder no more my friends. The moment is here... find out for yourself...

Play: Crash Test Dummy Olympics

Cybersex.....What the FUCK?

This evening something unusual happened to me... I was chatting happily with a couple friends on MSN, and all of a sudden, an offer to fuck me...

At first I was repulsed and astounded, then, I was curious. How is it that people are so liberal with sex? I can kind of understand meeting someone in a bar and having some kind of chemistry with them, and then taking it to the next level, but this is just an open invitation without knowing anything about me.

Maybe it's just me, but I at least like to know the name of the guy I'm sleeping with. He asked me what I looked like, and I told him the truth, I'm a tall fat girl. He said he liked big girls, something to hold onto.

I asked him why he was trying to pick up a total stranger off the net to fuck him. He said that he likes to fuck, and would I suck his cock. Ummm NO!

I asked him if he was prepared to fuck. He said, yes and that his cock was already hard. Ugh Gross! So anyway, I asked if he used condoms, which was the actual meaning of my original question. He said he didn't like condoms. I almost fell out of my chair, I was completely flabergasted. Naturally I asked why he didnt like them, and he said, and I quote "they don't feel as good". Ummmm you are the reason there is teen pregnancy you fucking retard. You are the reason that so many people have STD's.

I asked him how he dealt with the pregnancy issue if he wasn't into condoms. He said that all the girls he had fucked hadn't gotten pregnant, so he was sure it wouldn't happen to me. Or if I wanted, he would pull out just before. GOOD GOD! This guy is 25, and his grand plan is to pull out?

Naturally, I tried to explain to him that pulling out is NOT an effective method of birth control... I really don't think he believed me.
Obviously I blocked his ass (no pun intended).
Fucking idiot.

Bring Some Wine Cause 'Hitch' Is A Total Cheesefest

So I went to see Hitch with a bunch of friends... Are you aware that Hitch is a total chick flick?

From the previews, I assumed that Hitch was going to be a comedy, but in fact I was decieved. Hitch is a total cheesefest, so you better break out the wine.

It's not that it was a bad movie, but I do like to prepare myself for chick flicks, since I don't usually see them in the theater. This movie had some highlights, the dancing was a good time for sure. But mostly, it was a bunch of corny lines strung together, without the comedy that the preview promised.

But I guess most movies are like that these days, good preview but lacking on the plot.

From The People Who Brought You Groundhog Day...

It just recently dawned on me that Monday is Valentine's Day...

So in light of this recent revelation, I have decided to share a matchmaking story...
It all started a month and a half ago when I was training for a part time job at my permanent part time job (ie. i was taking over for someone while she was gone for a month). So she was training me, for the all time coveted Head Cashier position, and all of a sudden in came Troy... the armored car guy.. he delivers our change orders, and has a gun! So Troy came in, and Janet introduced us... it was love at first sight, for her anyway.

Troy and I had a forced and awkward conversation, and when he left Janet was nothing but smiles. "He's single," she proclaimed, "and he's cute and really nice!" Great, exactly what I needed to hear.. I could see the wheels in her head moving already. She then decided it would be awesome to set us up. She told me the last couple she set up just got married. Wink wink. Luckily she left for a month and nothing happened...
Until today...

When I showed up for work she sprung it on me.... "Stephanie, I have an out of the blue question for you... I was talking to Troy, remember Troy?"
I can feel my heart starting to speed up, rage is filling my body at an alarming rate.. Why the FUCK is she doing this?

"Well I was talking to Troy... and he's still single, and nice, and cute! And he said that I could set him up... and I want to set him up with you."
The blood has drained from my face, I'm in a state of shock.. I thought because I hadn't heard about this for a month and a half, she had forgotten, apparently not.
Somehow I managed to say I would think about it and get out of the door... but as I walked away she called out, "It's only ONE date!"

ask a specific question and i'll give you a specific truth

tonight was the kind of night that you think can only happen to you in the deepest of nightmares. can you imagine admitting all of your horrible, deep dark secrets to a relative stranger?

cause that's how my night went. i met this guy a few nights ago, and i lied to him about myself. i told him things because i couldn't admit problems to myself.

you read about stars in magasines who have eating disorders, and you kind of smile and are glad that that could never happen to you. until you wake up and realize that you completely lied to someone about something so trivial, yet societally important, and then you realize yourself that maybe you have a problem?

And maybe its the opposite of that crazy Olsen twin, because maybe you have gained 70 pounds in the last 5 years, and kind of you just opened your eyes and realized it, even though while it was happening you swore you'd never gain another pound and all of a sudden your jeans cost like a zillion dollars.

and then you lie to a total stanger about your weight and you realize, the one thing i hate in life is lying, so how is it possible that i'm doing this to someone else. and then the guilt consumes you for days, until you come clean.

but instead of feeling better you just feel like shit. and you realize that if you dont face up to this now, while you're 22, you wont have a job when you graduate, because who wants to hire a fat teacher? and you'll get diabetes, and high blood pressure, a fatty liver, and you'll probably have a heart attack by the time you're 29.

and then you start to think, oh god, what have i done with my life? and blaming your crazy ex-boyfriend can only go so far. so then you start to realize that you can change all of this, because fatty liver can be reversed.
being a biology major, i'm completely aware of how amazing the human body is, able to take so much strain, and then with proper care, can go back to how it's supposed to be functioning.

but you're so scared that you will fail

i dont like capitalization

Life's A Dirty Business

My whole education is a joke. When I was in the faculty of Science, there was no telling what was going to happen. Crazy proffesors, followed by equally crazy exams. Labs until the wee hours of the night, just all around stress and a major addiction to caffiene.

But now that I'm in Education, I feel like this whole University is a complete joke. I wrote my first midterm on thursday. I studied a little bit, not completely hardcore. The exam could have been given to random people in a mall and all of them could have passed.

My nails look really pretty.... I'm kinda drunk right now.

You Know He's Seen You Naked a Million Times

I've always been a believer in love... but my faith is starting to fade. I've only ever had one real relationship. It was more than a disaster, it was absolutely catastrophic. We dated on and off for four year, the last two years we were on straight. And then one day he broke up with me. If he had answered with a simple "I don't love you anymore" when I asked him why, I think I would have been a lot happier.

Instead when I asked why, he told me he had been hired by foreigners to design weapons, so I was in danger by associating with him. The amazing thing about this was that he really really seemed to believe it. For the next year he completely strung me along, always telling me he loved me and he wanted to be with me.

One day I woke up and told him to fuck off. I told him that if he ever saw me to pretend that he didn't know me, because it had finally dawned on me that he didn't.

Of course there have been a few other guys, one of them almost as screwed up as the weapons designer. He broke up with me because I wouldn't fuck him, I was only 15 at the time. I later found out that he had been exchanging emails with my best friend telling her how much he liked her while we had been dating. He went on to date my best friend, and another friend after her.

Recently I've started to wonder: why do I attract such disaster? Is it me? Or just really bad luck?